The only thing you can do is what your heart tells you to do. If you don't feel like your heart is being helpful, then do what your head says. I am all for giving things a try but if it is going to make you miserable is it really worth it? Even though you are divorced you found your way back to each other. That has to amount to something. Marriage is tough. The first 7 years are the toughest. Once I got past that things started looking better. Now, after 16 years of marriage I don't know what to think. The first 7 years look real good about now.
Marriage is what we make of it. If you aren't happy then you need to take the first step to find out what will make you happy. After being married or around someone for so long we tend to take each other for granted. I realize now what my mistakes were. I thought marriage was about romance. When the romance fizzled then that meant the marriage was over. I don't know of anyone who has a really romantic marriage except for the fake people on tv. Maybe that is where we get the impression on what marriage should be like. I don't know.
Most people tend to know when their marriage is over. You figure the communication stops, no sex, etc... I have the hard time of accepting anything because my H and I were intimate 2 days before he left. This is why I think he just needed time to think things through. Our communication broke down. That was our biggest mistake. We stopped talking to each other. We stopped telling each other the things that were bothering us. We held it in and it blew up in our faces.
Use this week that your XH is gone and focus on yourself and see what you want. Call up an old friend and go out and do something. I know you want your relationship to work but is it worth all the pain you are in?
Have you heard the saying "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours. If it doesn't, then it never was". I don't know if that is the whole saying but you let your XH go and he came back. That has to count for something. If he didn't want to be there I don't think he would stay. He left once and I am sure it was hard for him to do it. If he wanted out then I am sure he would just leave.
I know I am just trying to say things to make you feel better. I might not be wording the things the way they should but I hope you get what I am trying to say.
It is up to you whether you call your XH or not, or whether you sit around waiting for him to call you. Try to go out and have fun. If you can't find a sitter, then go out with your kid(s) and do something fun. This way if your XH calls you will be in a good frame of mind. Don't let him think you are sitting home pouting and waiting for him. Let him see you can have a good time too. When I started getting out I noticed my H started hanging around the house more when it is his turn with the kids. Maybe it got him thinking, I don't know but it sure seems to work some.
I hope you can figure out what you want and have a good weekend. I will check back in to see if you post that you tried to call him or not. Good luck!!!
