Something Like "Normal"

[Just_Me]

I agree with everything written here by NYSurvivor about "should haves". That is true of any relationship, not just one with your spouse. It's true of the guy that pulls sharply in front of you when your driving down the road. You immediately think..."that a-hole shouldn't have done that" and you flip him off and honk your horn. Perhaps he felt he had enough space and he certainly wasn't trying to tork you off. So we apply shoulds to everyone...that waitress should have known by looking that I wanted a refill...the b..ch!

Now is the part for me to disagree...with the unspoken part, that this is really worth it. That you should not have expectations, you should not take offense, that now that you've changed most of your life for your H sake that you should change the way you think as well. I say B.S. I say b.s. primarily to the fact that you gave away your life for his sake and continue to subjugate your needs for his. And then find ways to make it more bearable. I cringe when I read what you wrote. My only advice to you now and for as long as you have threads is that you have to have a life. And it needs to be the life that makes you happy and that you chose of your own free will for yourself. He lost the chance to even input in this when he divorced you and when he said ILYBINILWY. You can not continue to give up things and make changes because you think it will make him happy. It won't. You can't make him happy. He has to do that for himself. DB rule #1: Get a life. And I mean one of your own...not one that is what your XH wants you to have.