One correction: I did ask him to call. He said he would. He didn't.
In your experience, does everyone always do what they say they're going to? Before you answer that, understand I'm not asking for your reasons as to why he should call if he says he's going to. It's just a "yes" or "no" question.
Whatever the reason is that he didn't call, I don't know. But just taking it on face value, and how it affects you, here's what I think:
When we start to assign "shoulds", we're implanting our thumbprint on someone else: "He should've called because he said he was going to " or "He should've called just so I don't worry" or "He should've called to let me know if..." and it goes on. Then we get riled, upset, ticked. Why? Because we're reacting emotionally to our own misconceptions of what we think others should do. Well, the truth is, others don't think like you. To expect that they will is to set yourself up continually to be disappointed.
Even when someone meets the general expectation every now and then, there can still be disappointment in its delivery: "He didn't say [whatever]...", "He could've called sooner", "I didn't like his apology"...
Even in the best of relationships, no one can live up to all the "shoulds" their partner may expect. No one.
If anything, what we "should" expect of others, is that different things other than what we'd expect or like, are going to happen. That's more in line with the reality of life on this planet dealing with people.
In the past I didn't analyze everything, but in the past he never told me he didn't love me, he spent time with me, he didn't treat me like I was invisible. In the past there wasn't a reason for me to analyze things so much.
This is so much a matter of perception, isn't it? Because yet another person might've said, "In the past, he gave me all his attention and told me he loved me... I always wondered why... what was it about me that made him feel so?"
WE, as human critters, like to know "why". So, when presented with a puzzle, such as a WAS's behavior, we feel we need to understand it. Understanding provides some relief, yes, but doesn't solve any problems. Then when we use the wrong tools to analyze matters, we really fall into a trap. Wrong tools would be assumptions, mind reading and predicting the future.
what is it that I'm suppose to do that is productive here? Cause I damn sure don't know what else to do other than give in and give up.
That's not your only choice. But FWIW, I'd reflect openly on what Dogma wrote, and consider that having specific expectations over which when they're unrealized my blood pressure's going to go up, is a behavior to divest myself of.
