I hadn't heard from H for a couple of weeks after I moved into the new house. He came to get his mail while I was at work and RFD17 was home, and came looking for his passport when the cleaner was here, rather than when I was (she's a trooper - she's been with us for about 8 years and put herself firmly on "my side" when H and I split so she stoically denied him access to my bedroom and told him she'd look for the passport there and if she could find it she would deliver it too him - wish I could have seen the exchange!!!).

I have been employing the principles of the most ardent DBer. Despite my annoyance that he had failed on some of the responsibilities he had committed to with RFD17 and despite missing several reasonably important commitments that he'd undertaken to take responsibility for - I didn't call him, seek him out or comment to anyone on his irresponsibility. I dealt with what had to be done and soldiered on.

Well, yesterday he called. Deeply apologetic for at first one of the things he'd missed,that I had to step up for and then, after my calm reassurance, for everything that he's been avoiding. I was calm and he could hear the smile in my voice and the peace in my demeanor - and the calmer and more peaceful I was the more he apologised and promised more and more extravagent contributions to RFD17 and some of our joint financial responsibilities. It was quite funny.

We chatted for a while. His daughter had a baby a couple of weeks ago and he wanted to fill me in on all of that. I told him some anecdotes about the dogs "holiday" at the pound (when he escaped through a lose fence paling and was picked up by 'Dog control' recently).

Turns out he had really called for no reason. Just to let me know he hadn't forgotten me I think.

The convo ended on such a nice level that I was tempted to call him again and tell him I'd enjoyed speaking to him - but I didn't. I'm learning. I left it with a nice ring in the air.

Then this morning he came to the door. Knock, knock - hi, I'm here to get my mail and stuff. I got it for him. He was dressed for bowls and on his way to a New South Wales club to play a championships round. We chatted. He left.

Thing is, it doesn't matter wether I want him out of my life, or not - he's in it and I have to figure out a way to deal adequately with that, if I live with him or not.

V

V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.