Hi everyone, this morning, after about a month of very little contact – just the occasional telephone call about money – my husband came to the house to drop in some papers that I needed to give to the bank today.

He let himself in and called out to me. Picked up his mail that I’d left in a tidy pile in the usual place (as an aside, he still has almost all his mail sent home – even stuff that is really recent – he bought a new car about a month ago and even that correspondence comes to my house – so he’s obviously still using the home address to identify himself – why??). He came over to the table where I was sitting having my breakfast and reading the paper. He was talking animatedly, but nervously. Fast chatter. He leaned over me – one arm on the back of my chair, one hand on the table and leaned in over me to see what I was doing – he stayed there longer than was necessary and then he kissed my lips, awkwardly twisting his head around to make contact. Then he was gone.

I am going so well. I really have started to have it together. I can literally see how far I’ve come and I’m proud of myself. I’ve bought a new house that is absolutely perfect for me – great location, great price, great potential, I’ve got a fantastic job that I’m really enjoying (Burgbud, I’m an agricultural economist so there is only so far out of my field I can go, but I’ve switched from a focus on industry and production to focus on natural resource management and landscape issues – I’m liking it!!).

I’ve agreed to formally foster the 16 year old refugee girl (RFD16) I’ve been looking after informally all year and that’s working well – she is growing into a young woman that any parent or carer would be very proud of (more on her in a minute), I have fantastic friends and family. I’m having a low key but nice love affair with B for boyfriend.

Then – he walks into my kitchen, leans too close to me, kisses me like nothing has ever happened and it’s just another day and he is off to work … and I’m gone for all money.

I can’t stop thinking about it. How nice it was. How comfortable it felt.

Why did he do that?

I had finally accepted that he has made his choice. I accepted that he chose her to grow old with and it’s time for me to move on with my life – his has no room for me in it – all it takes is one bloody kiss and he’s in my head again and under my skin. He has no right.

Does he even know what he did?

Funnily RFD16 has been dating a guy for a month – her first boyfriend and he dumped her yesterday. She’s shattered. I’m consoling and cooking her good food and giving her lots of hugs, but you know how first love is? I wish I could bottle up all our experience and give it to her so she doesn’t have to go through the pain a 16 year old feels when she’s heart sick for the first time.

This is a vicious cycle isn’t it friends?

Virginia

V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.