Hi everyone, this morning, after about a month of very little contact – just the occasional telephone call about money – my husband came to the house to drop in some papers that I needed to give to the bank today.
He let himself in and called out to me. Picked up his mail that I’d left in a tidy pile in the usual place (as an aside, he still has almost all his mail sent home – even stuff that is really recent – he bought a new car about a month ago and even that correspondence comes to my house – so he’s obviously still using the home address to identify himself – why??). He came over to the table where I was sitting having my breakfast and reading the paper. He was talking animatedly, but nervously. Fast chatter. He leaned over me – one arm on the back of my chair, one hand on the table and leaned in over me to see what I was doing – he stayed there longer than was necessary and then he kissed my lips, awkwardly twisting his head around to make contact. Then he was gone.
I am going so well. I really have started to have it together. I can literally see how far I’ve come and I’m proud of myself. I’ve bought a new house that is absolutely perfect for me – great location, great price, great potential, I’ve got a fantastic job that I’m really enjoying (Burgbud, I’m an agricultural economist so there is only so far out of my field I can go, but I’ve switched from a focus on industry and production to focus on natural resource management and landscape issues – I’m liking it!!).
I’ve agreed to formally foster the 16 year old refugee girl (RFD16) I’ve been looking after informally all year and that’s working well – she is growing into a young woman that any parent or carer would be very proud of (more on her in a minute), I have fantastic friends and family. I’m having a low key but nice love affair with B for boyfriend.
Then – he walks into my kitchen, leans too close to me, kisses me like nothing has ever happened and it’s just another day and he is off to work … and I’m gone for all money.
I can’t stop thinking about it. How nice it was. How comfortable it felt.
Why did he do that?
I had finally accepted that he has made his choice. I accepted that he chose her to grow old with and it’s time for me to move on with my life – his has no room for me in it – all it takes is one bloody kiss and he’s in my head again and under my skin. He has no right.
Does he even know what he did?
Funnily RFD16 has been dating a guy for a month – her first boyfriend and he dumped her yesterday. She’s shattered. I’m consoling and cooking her good food and giving her lots of hugs, but you know how first love is? I wish I could bottle up all our experience and give it to her so she doesn’t have to go through the pain a 16 year old feels when she’s heart sick for the first time.
This is a vicious cycle isn’t it friends?
Virginia
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Don't ya just hate it when you get yourself in a mind set where WAS is not even a part of you and then they go and do something so in your face that it puts them back at the center of your mind set? Like my grandfather used to say "$h!+ or get off the pot. Would ya?"
On the other hand, do you think that all this activity around you, not involving WAH, has him reconsidering?
I’m an agricultural economist so there is only so far out of my field I can go, but I’ve switched from a focus on industry and production to focus on natural resource management and landscape issues – I’m liking it!!
That's great! Sounds like you're really taking off.
I’ve agreed to formally foster the 16 year old refugee girl (RFD16) I’ve been looking after informally all year and that’s working well – she is growing into a young woman that any parent or carer would be very proud of (more on her in a minute), I have fantastic friends and family.
Cool.
I’m having a low key but nice love affair with B for boyfriend.
That sounds nice!
Then – he walks into my kitchen, leans too close to me, kisses me like nothing has ever happened and it’s just another day and he is off to work … and I’m gone for all money.
I can’t stop thinking about it. How nice it was. How comfortable it felt.
Why did he do that?
Because he thought you could handle it. And because he wanted to. I don't know what that means, though. Sorry.
I wonder if your life is about to get interesting. You know, like that Chinese curse: May you live in interesting times. Keep us informed, okay? Whether things get interesting or not.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Hi WB, glad to see you have been moving on. Why did H kiss you and muck up your head, b/c they are the WAS and that is what they do best. Honestly only he can answer that and only you can answer how much you are going to let it drag you down.
I myself would continue to GAL and act as if that didn't happen, let H bring it up if it was supposed to mean anything and if he does it again maybe say "H please don't do that you have someone else now and it I don't really feel comfortable with you kissing me" keep it light hearted and then move on to another topic as though it is nothing much.
I understand this has you running around like a dog chasing it's own tail but try real hard to not let it affect you and if H ever has a proper talk to you or gives you a real reason for thinking he has changed his mind worry about it then. For the moment I would just accept that it is another one of the weird things WAS' do.
I know none of that helps your feelings much but it is so not worth trying to read anything into it, don't waste your energy as you have been doing really well, so keep it up....KDU
I had finally accepted that he has made his choice. I accepted that he chose her to grow old with and it’s time for me to move on with my life – his has no room for me in it – all it takes is one bloody kiss and he’s in my head again and under my skin. He has no right
He's still one confused man. He obviously hasn't really moved on, as he still is having mail sent to your address, walks in without knocking... Maybe he sees that you are moving on, and that has bought this on. Who knows?
It's hard though, when your head thinks it's time to move on, yet he kisses you and your heart still goes thumpety thump
Poor RFDS16 Masses of chocolate are needed and some tear-jerker chick flicks, I think.
Happy to see you are moving on though, with a new house and a new job, and the obvious delights of B.
Stay strong and stay in contact with us. We missed your wisdom
Yes, I’m back, feeling a bit cheeky and very refreshed after a long summer break.
This is my first week back at work and it’s a short week – Australia Day tomorrow and I’ve got rec leave on Friday – so v. nice weekend of gardening, seeing friends and family and of course all the ‘community festival’ activities for Aust Day.
I’ve had a very productive summer. I moved into my new house. Packing up the old one was a mammoth task and sadder than I thought it would be. My new garage/shed is full to the rafters with boxes of stuff that I’m going to either have to sell at a garage sale or take to the tip.
The move was hectic. I had to have the new house basically emptied of everything (curtains/carpet/screens/etc) then repainted, new floor put down, the electricity rewired – big job that’s still underway. Still waiting for new computer (step-sons took the old one) hence my quietness around here for the past month or so and have decided that the 50 year old kitchen I thought I could live with will really have to go – so mortgaging my soul to the devil banks …. Again.
H kind of helped packing up the house, but it was pretty awful for both of us. I still can’t figure out why it is that neither of us seem to be able to admit to each other that this separation is what we want, but here we are anyway.
I haven’t really seen him or spoken to him since the move. The financial settlement turned out quite well in my favour (do you think that’s about guilt?), and now that our stuff is split up there isn’t any real reason for us to speak.
Although he does weird stuff – he had our mail redirected from the old house to our new respective addresses, but he had his sent to me, rather than his work or his girlfriend’s house. Weird and pretty annoying. RFD17 said he comes to the house sometimes during the day too, when I’m out. One of my step sons has been coming over to watch the tennis and then tends to sleep over, so H “pops in” when step son is there …
I’ve been catching up on everyone’s stiches and my haven’t some of us come a long way?
I’ve also been reading some of the newer members threads and the discussion around when people have had enough and want to get off the roller coaster – I remember feeling like that – but the thing is, I guess this summer I’ve realised I don’t have a lot of control of this ride and I just have to see it out – it’s not like you can get off even if you want to.
I’ll be over to see you all during the next day or two – in particular Kismet, Anna, Hope, March4th, Yoyo, Beth, Sassy, Heather, NYS, Dodger, Phase3 and Jabez – you guys are really kicking it. I can’t say strongly enough how far you’all have come and how much taking this journey with you enabled me to finished last year and begin this year with dignity and a peaceful heart.
2006 is going to be great.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Welcome back WB You have been busy. Moving house must have been really stressful and emotional, but hey you got through.
Is RFD living with you permanently now?
Although he does weird stuff – he had our mail redirected from the old house to our new respective addresses, but he had his sent to me, rather than his work or his girlfriend’s house. Weird and pretty annoying. RFD17 said he comes to the house sometimes during the day too, when I’m out. One of my step sons has been coming over to watch the tennis and then tends to sleep over, so H “pops in” when step son is there …
Very strange ~ sounds like he still really can't let go. That mail thing would just be annoying.
Well enjoy your time off. Hope the sun shines on you this long weekend
Masses of chocolate are needed and some tear-jerker chick flicks, I think.
Care to update us on what's been happening in your life. We'd really love to hear from you. Pretty please. 