Hi everyone. Life rolls on and I’m learning to roll with it.

This week I’ve realised how much I’ve learned about patience. I made an offer on a house last weekend. It’s a really, really great house. It’s cute and cosy, it’s got a garden that’s big enough to consume half my life, but small enough so that it won’t have to consume half my life …It’s light and airy and the moment I walked in I just new it was the place for me. I love it.

I’m still waiting for the real estate agent to get back to me – she’s playing the normal real estate agent games, which is fine by me, but my friends and family are freaking out. They are like “Call her,” “find out what’s going on.” “she’s d!cking you around, tell her you are looking at something else” and I’m like – what? It’s only been 3 days!!!

I realised there was a time before all this happened where I did count time in hours and minutes – I’m so much more realistic about how much time to allow for things to happen for me now. I’m relaxed while everyone around me is freaking out. It’s quite funny.

You’ll recall last I wrote I’d slipped into a physical relationship with B for Boyfriend. Boy was it awkward for a few days? He’s been so good though. I have always been pretty straight with him about where I’m at and he’s obviously been listening. After a few days he took me out for coffee and basically said to me – Look, I know you have spent the past 6 months waiting for your H to come home and I know you’ve had a tough hard year and I don’t want to make it any more difficult for you than it needs to be. I do want to continue to see you and have a relationship and figure out where it will go from there. You don’t have to make any decisions now, let’s just go with the flow and see what happens.

His words hit me hard – because I realised that as much as I didn’t want to be perceived like it, I have been “waiting for my H to come home”. I don’t know why, but I just really resented anyone, let alone him, identifying that’s what I’d been doing.

So I didn’t talk to him for a few days (really mature), but we’ve figured it out and we are seeing each other, but taking it very slowly. I’m a different woman than the girl who used to go out with men before I was married. Then I was prepared to hope for the best in any relationship and I never ruled out any eventuality. This time, I’m almost expecting failure. I’m cynical and I have zero expectations for the relationship. I’m not sure how healthy that is – it’s perhaps just an indication that I’ve got some more healing to do.

The new interest has helped me to ‘drop the rope’ on H. I’m less consumed with thoughts of him and op. Sometimes I even feel angry with him – an emotion that I haven’t really had throughout this year. I’m beginning to see him without the blinding halo of “love” as a flesh and blood man who is making some really dodgy choices that I don’t condone. He’s been selfish and he continues to be selfish – not just with me, but with the boys and our friends. It’s all about him. I guess I have to work on letting those feelings go too.

So here I am. Looking forward to moving to my new house, looking forward to spending time with B and looking forward to a time where the thought of H doesn’t even phase me. I want to be indifferent to him – like a stranger on the street. I know that’s ambitious at the moment, but it sure would make life easier.

I’m following all your threads and continue to keep you in my prayers.

Cheers, V

V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.