Hi everyone. I got off the roller coaster for a couple of weeks. It seems the violent crescendo lead to, what I think was a well deserved, intermission. Walkingback? No 1
I’ve made some decisions about my life after Mr ‘Err, no thanks’ gave me the kick in the butt that I needed to take stock and figure out what it is that moving on really means for me.
The first thing I figured is that I don’t want to be with a bloke who doesn’t want to be with me. I understand he’s confused, hurt, angry and grieving our marriage to the same, if not worse extent that I am – and I realised he needs to go through that and a part of that process is being angry with me. I’m glad I finally got that. He’s spitting angry. He’s keeping it well contained and he covers it with a convivial air of light heartedness whenever we meet – but he’s furious.
OK – I can deal with that.
On the day he said ‘err, no thanks’ I finally called a solicitor (which I’ve been meaning to do for about a year) to figure out what process I needed to follow to finalise a financial settlement. I met with the family lawyer a couple of days later and he went through the options with me – from mediation right through to court. I realised pretty quickly I didn’t want an adversarial process so agreed with him that I’d talk to H and we’d agree on a way forward (hopefully mediation) and I’d get back to him.
I met with H last night and told him what I’d found out and he just said “Virg what do you want” – I said half the proceeds from the sale of the house, the money I contributed to the joint superannuation fund, the aboriginal art and chinese furniture and no liability for the mortgage on your mother’s apartment. He just said – OK – get the solicitor to write up the agreement and we’ll sign it. We then had a couple of beers and an hour of fun and lively conversation.
What an anti-climax. My solicitor will be very disappointed at all those mediation fees he’s going to miss out on. The contracts exchange on our house this week, so when that happens I’m going to be in a strong position to buy my own house (v. exciting).
In parallel to this progress I made the decision that I can’t keep complaining about my job without doing something about it. I’ve been in this job now for long enough to know it is not my cup of tea and I need a different position. So I started looking for one.
Before I’d written an application I got a call from a recruitment company who had been asked to contact me by one of the Research and Development organisations in town who were looking to recruit a Senior Research Manager and they’d been referred to me. It’s an ace job, fantastic $$ and good career progression – but frankly more of the same. I said no thanks, but it gave me the confidence that I needed to apply for some other, more diverse roles.
I’ve got an interview in Brisbane on Monday for an amazing job that would see me based in far nth Queensland for 2 or 3 years (watch out Kismet).
Failing that, I’m applying for a job in another department which is completely different subject matter than I’ve been working on for the past 10 years – and blimey charlie I’ve realised I do need a change. I’m going to keep applying for positions that I know I’d love until I find one that will have me.
I also got confirmation in the post yesterday that I’ll graduate as a Master in Public Administration at the Australian National University on December 15.
So all in all, I’ve decided to quit focussing on what I don’t have (my marriage) and make the most out of all the things I do have (which is plenty) and I’m going to move forward and trust that God and the Universe have a plan for me that is being played out exactly as it’s meant to be.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
