Update: The custody legal work is bogged down in the system.
Last weekend, I spent Sat w/my best friend. We went to see King Kong, exchanged the last of Christmas gifts and had dinner. It was a great afternoon. During the course of our convo, the sitch came up several times and it was the first time that I had the nerve to say that lately, I've been looking at single women wondering if they'd date me or if I could have a future with them. That was so weird for me. After thinking about that, I come back to how complicated my life is now and not wanting to hurt DD's by telling them that I now have a GF. In my mind, I'm committed to them for another 4.5 years.
I had lunch with an old work colleague on Friday and he asked how I was doing and what my plans were for 2006. I said that I had no plans for divorcing WAW and that I was just going to roll with her punches. I said, I have the house. I have the kids and I'm getting support. I'm doing OK. And with those sentiments, I went into the weekend in a good mood.
For as high as I was on Fri, that's how low I was on Sun. A series of events just seemed to ratchet my mood down on Sun. One thing was lunch on Sun. I thought that I had made a networking connection to a new job, but it turned out lukewarm at best. Later I did have a good time at the rehearsal (I'm hesitant to call it a band), but the disappointment at lunch and something that happened earlier hung on me.
DD's are involved in a group that needs to raise funds for a trip this summer. WAW has no interest in being involved with the group. I'm involved with the group. As it turns out some of the fund raising events are on weekends that WAW has DD's and so she asked if we could switch the weekend schedule around. I had suggested doing this after the holidays b/c they were on the weekend, but WAW declined as she "already made plans". Doing my "Great Carnak" impression, I was guessing that rearranging her schedule w/DD's would mean that OM would have to rearrange his schedule w/his D and that was too much hassle. So now, I'm wondering if 1) her R w/OM is cooled way down or even off or 2) she has such control over him that he'd do anything for her or 3) does he not give a rip about seeing his D? Nothing to obsess over, but interesting none the less.
Now I'm thinking about my response. I want to say no. In the past, I always said yes to all her requests b/c I wanted things to be peaceful b/w us. When it came to DD's staying over night at the apt, I said no thru the L and that was a big 180 for me. I had always shied away from L's and No's. Now if I say no again is it a 180? Will it have the same impact?
I was a bit worked up last night, as I am most Monday nights b/c I have DD's and the schedule is too hectic. D15 needed help w/her MP3 player and the PC and MP3 player weren't cooperating. I "helped" D15 and it got done. Later I apologized for being "short" w/her and she said I was "a bit controlling". YIKES! I had a couple of conversations w/C about being dominant in the marriage and from the situations I presented the C said that I was not dominant. But that was her perspective. I'm going to talk to DD's about their perception of me being controlling.
I read your comment on your thread about Intamacy Avoiders. I did some research on the 'Net and found that one could conceivably categorize WAW as an Intimacy Avoider. It all has to do w/her childhood and dealing w/teenage DD's. I used to think that adults who blamed their behavioral problems on their parents were lame, but now I realize just how important two, loving parents are to children. I'm concerned our DD's.
Later I apologized for being "short" w/her and she said I was "a bit controlling".
I talked w/D15 last night about her controlling comment. I asked if I was controlling all the time, or if it's just when I'm stressed or if it was a one time thing. She looked at me like I was over reacting and said, "It was just with the MP3 player, that's all."
Whew.
I have to go out of town on biz next week so when WAW dropped off DD's last night, I went out to talk to her. I told her of my plans and asked if DD's could stay over. She was in a different frame of mind, meaning that she wasn't rude. She was quiet, almost meloncholy. She said "of course", but then said, "Court is on Thu, I wonder what they'll do if you're not there." I said "I haven't received any notice of it." I could feel that I was becoming angry, so I just said "OK, I'll let you know the details. See ya."
I wonder what is going on w/her mood. I thought the LBS was supposed to act mysterious.
The custody suit continues. The attorney that i have retained was not available for the first hearing, so he got a continence. I rarely travel for biz, but I'm going out of town this week. I told WAW last Tue and when I did she told me that we have a court date for Thu, I told her that I had received no notice. Later I confirmed with the L and he said yes we did (why didn't he tell me?), so I mailed a copy of my travel reservations and I won't be there.
D13 will soon to be D14! WAW's family has a birthday party for all in the family scheduled for a weekend that DD'd are scheduled to be w/me. I am planning a party for D14 and her friends here at home on the same day, so WAW emailed to ask if DD's could go to the party. I wrote back and said that we agreed to a schedule and not to schedule events on weekends that we don't have the girls, so if we're all invited, I'd be happy to bring them to the party. Haven't heard back yet.
I know that many of you think of my relationship w/OM's mom is strange, but we respect each other's boundaries and so far have been able to answer questions for each other. OM tells his mom almost every thing. He doesn't think they're doing anything wrong. WAW took OM to meet her parents over the holidays. Oh Brother! They went to Washington DC for the MLK weekend. DD's are going on three trips, one weekend, one 3 or 4 day and one for a week. The trips all cost some $. Each time WAW writes a check she complains about how much these trips cost. I guess DD's trips are putting a crimp on their travel plans.
On Fri PM I was ready to throw in the towel, but after a good night's sleep last night, I'm back to "I don't know what I want to do".
One of my 180's has been to say no in regards to some things w/DD's. The first on resulted in a law suit and WAW dropping the rude attitude. This second w/the birthday party, we'll see what happens.
At best, it is odd that she would schedule a party for your Ds on your weekend and at worst it's really inconsiderate and deluded about the custody agreement like she doesn't have any clue that she's legally binded to follow it. Weird.
About the court date, it sucks to pay these Ls so much money and then they don't even keep you informed of what the heck is going on. Geez! You did a great job by sensing your reaction and getting out of there before it shined through.
Keep strong Jabez.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
