When I think about not having that negativity in my life, it feels really good. When I think about having a future woman in my life who's positive, it feels unbelievably good. Almost like I don't deserve it. Like it's my responsibility to be the one who deals with FXW's down side and takes the brunt of it, because I'm learning to handle it.
Wow...now THAT hit home with me...living with a depressed person who is also an A...it can really take it's toll...the person who used to be fun, loving and carefree is now covering up their loved one's depression, alcoholism...etc..
I can't tell you the number of times I sat up waiting for him to come home...crying myself to sleep. Having to wake up to let him in the house because he'd gotten so obliterated that he couldn't remember the alarm code (lived with me for 5yrs!!). Wondering, worrying had he gotten another DUI...all those stresses are gone. Back to the fun, loving, carefree person that I used to be...it truly wasn't a healthy way to live. Always walking on egg shells, was he going to be happy today...was he going to spend the day in bed. Not being able to focus on daughter, myself, my business all because I focused too much on trying to keep him going.
Nah, can't go back and revisit that...I've already had a taste of what could be with someone who is mentally healthy...there is a whole world out there waiting for us all...one filled with loving people, who will love us for who we are.
