If she does it again, which she will if you have been a doormat for a long time
educated assumptions; When you are strong, and say things like --knock it off. stop that. she will be suspicious. she will look at you like -- is this for real? a judging squinty look. you will hear a pause. then a counter, dont talk to me like that, I dont like that, yada yada blah blah blah. It will make you sweat, you will be afraid that you are doing the wrong thing, you will be tempted to apologize, stammer, back pedal etc.
Wrong. fear caused that response, it is the wrong one. DO NOT do it. Would you put up with this from anyone else? NOPE, so dont put up with it from her.
counter reply with --I am not going to argue about it. I said what I meant.-- Then move on. We are going for a regaining of some power, a regain of respect so you can look at yourself in the mirror, and say I want her I am going to give her a chance, but I dont need her. If you take care of your needs and get your respect back that will put you in a place to recreate attraction. Not super difficult or Dr. Harley wouldnt tell former lovers to never have contact again. Why do people get back together after time apart? bad feelings fade, insecuritys get fixed. Fix your insecuritys (the hard part) and give her good feelings (the easy part).
What does she have to do to get me to consider taking her back?" Not quite right, males have to lead, initiatie, direct, be the head of the house for a good R dynamic to exist.
You mean I should mention to her that my friend saw her and the OM at the movies and when then saw him they dashed out of site?
NO!!!! OM and A do not exist. AS- IF!!
what I meant was When she blames you, accuses you of some ridiculous reason for justifying her actions or A, nuetrally flip it and tell her to take some responsibility.
Yes the nuetral came from the break free from the affair E book. Do you see how this is how a counselor or a friend or disinterested third party would speak to her about her cuckoo behavior? not angry or disrespectful. not emotionally choked up and overwhelmed. just observational and pointing it out point blank. This is actually new to me also, new idea, new vocabulary. Its not what I was doing /thinking when I 'went after' my x before reconcile. A little of what I 'knew' about attraction was faulty for a long term R. It still worked. Right up untill engaging in major love busters. oops
She pointed out your real faults and not so terrible faults of the past 15+ years, right? Well sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.
That doesnt mean get in a tit for tat, or attack her, NEVER engage in love busters. everytime you have contact with her mentally prepare yourself. You will have to preplan your convos, be ready for her predicited thoughts and attacks. Your main goal is to be attractive to her.
Why is the D not finalized yet? 'cuz I haven't done anything about it She is unable to D solely on her own? If she has she is pausing for some reason, thats good news for you.
call her say 'lets meet for lunch.' When she says why? or no. say 'comon it will be fine. nothing weird, just friendly convo
Its too early for this. forget it for now.
Tried that. WAW's response "It would be cruel to DD's b/c it would get their hopes up"
Did she say NO? this is very important detail. arguments, excuses, hemming and hawing are completely different in a womans world then NO. they mean convince me that it is safe.
How often does she initiate contact for unimportant issues? Email only about the D or DD's.
Baby steps. get her comfortable with email convos. Better for you anyway as it gives you time to consider if your replys are nuetral, humorous, attractive, or love and attraction busting.
I also think you should find some outlet where you can interact with women. Start flirting and trying out your new found knowledge. It will take courage, and thus give you confidance. Since you are not actually interested in pursuing a R you will also not be hindered by fear of the outcome in your interactions with them, and can really try out the things I assume you have been reading me talk about in the other forum. This confidance will help you deal with her, a little bit.
You have to get a grip and crush the fear of loss and abandonment you have in her presence/interactions. our inclination will be to go to far the other way. More fear, but of the self protective kind. It causes you to do the wrong thing. Its a taxing struggle, dancing that high wire, but possible.
One last piece. Do you remember how you acted at the beginning of your R? Think back, does any of what I talk about attraction mesh with how you remember your behavior then? Get back to that guy, and think/feel how he thought if it was.
