My characterization of her decision is selfish b/c the girls will be hurt by this
During and after my first divorce, my kids and I celebrated holidays (those that I had with them) with me at my place, and other holidays with their mom at their place. There is a trend nowadays, from what I've read, where divorced families get together for occasions, SOs, new spouses and all, but I never did that. Did it hurt my kids? Before I answer that, be it known that by having two Christmases every year, they got twice as many gifts, the little connivers!
I do know that he has had no presence in D's lives so far. I do know that he has close to no presence in his own D's life, b/c she wants nothing to do w/him since she found out about his R w/WAW. I have no idea how he feels about that or what he's done to try to connect w/his own D. That's his. I would characterize him as a schmuck for other choices he's made.
He probably is a shmuck in many ways, but at least he showed an interest in going to the performance.
I don't want to be her parent. At one point I was her partner. I liked that. I was hoping to return to being her partner.
OK. I asked because you wrote: "How does one deal w/a 43-yr-old teenager that you can't parent?" and that's what I inferred from it.
WAW told me that she is rude to me b/c she is afraid that if she weren't that I would mistake that for her wanting to come back.
That's distorted, huh? IOW, she steps up ugly behaviors in order to make you not want her. A simple, civil, "Please stop. I don't feel the same way." won't do for her, huh? Or has she already done that, been there... and you've kept pushing, so she feels she needs to act that way?
I'm spending too much energy on managing my emotions and reactions to her. I need to direct my energy else where.
Spend some of it on not reacting in ways that need to be managed. Then spend the rest on having a good time for yourself.
We'll always be tied together as long as we are alive or both of the D's are alive. (birthdays, proms, graduations, etc.)The only thing signing the paper changes is her legal ability to sign a paper w/OM.
Of course you'll always have that tie through the children, and in time, you'll both be at their weddings and at the grandkids' birthday parties. I just meant that the D would sever legal ties.
By nature I am more conservative. I gave her my word to be true to her "'till death do us part." I pretty much meant the in sickness and in health part too, regardless of whether the sickness was spiritual, emotional or physical. From my perspective, she is emotionally and spiritually ill, but she does not share my perspective.
That's right, she doesn't. I fully understand your perspective here, though.
It's so common though that the WAS sees their reasons as circumstances that led them to break the relationship, and the LBS sees their circumstances as fighting for the marriage vows. I may not be wording this correctly, but it seems to me that both the WAS and the LBS are doing basically the same thing, rallying for what they personally want, even though the other partner doesn't want it.
