She used the word "tame" or is that how you're characterizing her decision?
My mistake, a typo. It should have been "She will take them to "her home" (the apt) to open gifts." My characterization of her decision is selfish b/c the girls will be hurt by this, but I will let them experience this and react to this on their own.
Her bringing OP to see the performance is not an abhorrent thing, it's part of her current life. Look, if he's gonna have a presence in your D's life, it's nice that he takes a caring interest in her. He could be a real shmuck and not give a hoot.
I do know that he has had no presence in D's lives so far. I do know that he has close to no presence in his own D's life, b/c she wants nothing to do w/him since she found out about his R w/WAW. I have no idea how he feels about that or what he's done to try to connect w/his own D. That's his. I would characterize him as a schmuck for other choices he's made.
Why do you want to be her parent?
I don't want to be her parent. At one point I was her partner. I liked that. I was hoping to return to being her partner.
So maybe it's more a matter of your grasp being tight, not getting the results you'd like, that make it appear by contrast as "worse".
WAW told me that she is rude to me b/c she is afraid that if she weren't that I would mistake that for her wanting to come back. She has a point there. I'd characterize it as her getting more and more frustrated w/me for not going forward w/the D. I am friendly during our face to face interactions. The only real times that I "get on her case" is when I think her behavior can hurt D's. I admit that I do try to protect them, but I'm stepping back from that.
you sure your decision to divorce doesn't stem from your frustration or to "shock" her, right?
Right. I'm spending too much energy on managing my emotions and reactions to her. I need to direct my energy else where.
why be tied to her legally
We'll always be tied together as long as we are alive or both of the D's are alive. (birthdays, proms, graduations, etc.)The only thing signing the paper changes is her legal ability to sign a paper w/OM.
By nature I am more conservative. I gave her my word to be true to her "'till death do us part." I pretty much meant the in sickness and in health part too, regardless of whether the sickness was spiritual, emotional or physical. From my perspective, she is emotionally and spiritually ill, but she does not share my perspective.
