It's not. You set yourself off. We own our own reactions.
On Mon I sent an email to WAW stating that it was inappropriate to bring OM to DD's performance. Today she replied "I'll go where I want, when I want, with whom I want." At one time, I would have blown up over this, but when I talked to DBC, she said that MLC'rs think like adolecents and thus, I was able to see this as WAW being am MLC WAW and should I have expected anything different? Nah.
And so you controlled your reaction here. Nice!
The DBC is correct in saying that you shouldn't expect anything different. And maybe MLCers do act adolescent in that their behavior is strikingly immature, but I would add this: usually telling anyone else what you deem as appropriate is tantamount to telling them how to run their life. You can't rule others. Her bringing OP to see the performance is not an abhorrent thing, it's part of her current life. Look, if he's gonna have a presence in your D's life, it's nice that he takes a caring interest in her. He could be a real shmuck and not give a hoot.
WAW won't come to the house to open Christmas gifts with the girls and I. She will tame them to "her home" (the apt) to open gifts.
That's where she'd prefer to have those moments with her children. That's her perogative. She used the word "tame" or is that how you're characterizing her decision?
How does one deal w/a 43-yr-old teenager that you can't parent?
Why do you want to be her parent? Doesn't that strike you as being controlling?
I felt that DB'ing wasn't the right medicine for my WAW.
You want to be her therapist too?
but I just don't understand why this keeps getting worse and worse.
I dunno, maybe it just seems that way. She's living her life the way she wants to, not the way you want her to. So maybe it's more a matter of your grasp being tight, not getting the results you'd like, that make it appear by contrast as "worse".
Yes, I am exasperated.
Small wonder!
Cross posted:
My thought is to go through the the D b/c
1) if there is any chance of us getting back together, she has to go out on her own and come to the decision that she wants an R w/me
and
2) I need to let go, drop the rope and move on and decide what I want to do. I know that I don't what an R w/her as we were or as we are. If there is to be an R, then we both need to change and we both need to commit.
Good reasons for moving forward... you sure your decision to divorce doesn't stem from your frustration or to "shock" her, right?
If it's been six months to a year and no turnarounds are happening, then divorce may be an option (why be tied to her legally, right?) since you're seeing the marriage as gone and dead and more interested in your future then in a past relationship that doesn't exist anymore.
