thanks for bearing with me H2H...I do appreciate your help but I don't feel like you do understand where I'm coming from.
Quote: So can you tell me what it would look like to you when you feel you are being understood?
I'm not certain how to explain how things would look if I felt understood other than by saying that I'd feel more understood if I didn't feel like my words were missenterperted and need to clarify them.
Quote: This is where I got confused. I understood that you wanted to have a R w/ your H. - that you wanted to spend time together and to have sex more frequently. You point out that Sage has a R w/ her H. and that they spend time together. But then you go on to say that you don't actually like H. to come home to dinner
it's hard to be comfortable and happy with someone being there when they usually aren't or when there being there is so rare that it causes friction. I eat dinner with the kids every night...I know what to expect and so do they...things run smoothly...h shows up for dinner on a rare occassion and expects different things...the kids get upset...he wont hear my explenation of how things usually go as he's got his own idea...my authority over the kids is gone and I've got to bite my tounge watch the battle. So I'm sorry if I don't particularly enjoy h being home for dinner...not to mention the fact that just becuase he's home at dinner time doesn't mean he's going to sit with us...I then have to struggle with keeping the kids eating instead of running off to see what daddy's doing.
So the point is....it didn't start out that I didn't like when he was around...I wanted him around and he wasn't....I got used to him being absent and now on the occassion that he is it's like a guest showing up.
Quote: So he jerks off - what does that tell you?
that he's probably just as misserable as I am but I admit to pleasuring myself h doesn't...he claims it just happens while he's asleep. FYI things could be good around here...us getting along and there's still no sex so I feel like your barking up the wrong tree with the correlation between our emotional r and our s life. I can recall several mini vaca's without the kids where I invited h to join me in jacuzzi bathtubs, massages etc had fun out to dinner laughed and still got nothing unless I begged for it and I'm done begging for it.
Quote: How different is this from you telling him his soiled undies are not normal, he needs to see a doctor, and telling us he's to blame for all that's wrong in your R.? Is there any room to hear what he might consider are some of the problems or barriers to getting to a happier place?
very different. His undies are an actual thing...it's not a fabrication or idea of mine...his explenation that it happens when he's sleeping does concern me...if it's just happening when he's sleeping he could have something wrong with him. Him then claiming that my problems with our r are because of who my friends are? there's no comparision.
Quote: Yikes, that's sure putting words in my mouth! I didn't say you were an insatiable bitch, nor that H. should stay away from you. I said that I have yet to hear about something that pleases you. His kisses are wrong, his timing his wrong, his coming to dinner is wrong . . . I was asking you to tell us something that's right, something good enough for you. I know there must be something in maintaining the position you're in - you are there for a reason and I wondered what that might be.
You didn't use those words but the sentiment was there. as far as what's maintaning my position? because it's not horrible it's just lonely.
Quote: What would it look like when you felt ready to D.? The kids would be older? You'd be financially independent or secure? You'd have found another partner? I'm just guessing wildly in the dark - do you know what it would be like to feel ready?
maybe to all except that I'd have another parnter...that is my fear...I know I'm vulnerable.
I don't really know what it'd feel like to be ready other than I'll know when I know. It will no longer be a question of am I ready...am I certain I want this...I'll know. I don't want to make any move until I'm certain it's for the best.
