Hey LL

So sorry you are feeling this way. It seems to me like H's version of M is not your version. He just seems to see it as some kind of drudgery you've got to get through. Do you know anything about his parents M?

I totally understand why you cannot bear to continue this way. I told my H a long while ago that what he contributed to the M was the same as if we were D. IOW he was just paying the bills and he would have to do that if we got a D. The thing is I think men like your H and mine just don't really KNOW what to do with a wife, it's like it's something they know they're supposed to have like a car or a house but the whole issue of making and maintaining a proper relationship is beyond them. I bet they think of us like a troublesome car or something that they keep having to tinker with to get it to run properly - LOL. It's just annoying that we don't run smoothly, i.e. smile nicely get on with raising kids and keeping house, be ready for sex when THEY want it, not need sex when they don't.

In no way do I want to encourage you to get a D, but you and I have both been on these boards a long time and I haven't seen your sitch get any better LL, ups and downs but not fundamentally better.

Quote:

I felt and still feel that the only time in our r that h was able to be honest with me was when he was leaving.



Funny thing is that H is only ever honest with me if I threaten to leave. And he behaves much better for a week or two. I have only ever done that a couple of times and it has been when I really have reached rock bottom and can't stand another second of it.

You have all the great DB advice here, so that even if you do go for D you can handle it in a better way by being on these boards. Maybe you two can just wind up being friends who co-parent your kids and lead new lives with or without a SO. But you can't do that under the same roof. See there I go sounding like I am rooting for you to get a D I don't mean it that way, but you have to have a different future to the life you have now.

{{{{LL}}}}

Fran

if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs
Erica Jong