Quote: Thanks PamelaC - you did capture my intentions perfectly. For the record, LL, I AM on your side and I think I do understand just how frustrated you are. But if I sit on the curb w/ you in a pity party, it won't help the situation a lick. So I'll stick around some more in hopes that we can see something together.
I don't think you're beating me up...I think your forcing me to do some thinking rather than helping me pile up the negatives.
Quote: And I think PamelaC has a very excellent point for you. It is precisely the posts that you feel zinged by that you need to step back, take a breath, and re-read.
I know this all too well
Quote: I know you're tired, LL - I often feel the same way in my own sitch. And I do understand the statement "I'd rather it come from him" but it's not likely to happen and you KNOW that. So the "trying here and there" is just NOT going to cut it. It's like pulling out a bandaid when the patient needs a tourniquet. Not terribly helpful...
No, not terribly helpful but what I mean is I feel like I'm always the one trying to keep or put the r together...after a while that gets tiring...it should be a two way street...take a friendship for example...if you are the one that calls and suggsets plans and s/he accepts occassionally but never calls you or makes suggestions how long are you going to keep calling?
Quote: H. changes his habits by calling you & coming home earlier, you don't change your habits.
I know you don't want to hear it but in the past I did change my life for h..worked things around his schedule where did it get me? hungry waiting for him, grouchy kids, a grouchy h who snaps at them and then a grouchy me feeling like it would have been better not to plan around him...I can't always plan around h because there have been plenty of times when he's said he'll be home at x time and doesn't arive until an hour later. H hasn't really changed his behaviour either...this new schedule will only last a couple of months and then it'll be back to him not being home until 7 or 8pm. Changing my and the kids dinner time is not an option...we are hungry...I cook a meal and that's what we eat...If I have to wait for h to get home to eat then I'll snack and since I cooked the meal I'll eat that too...I'm already trying too lose weight and that wont help.
Quote: No, you didn't have to say goodnight - but what good would that solution be? Why not decide what YOUR values are and live up to them? If you're like me, I have to say hello, goodbye, goodnight, etc. I find it very rude not too, even if I am feeling angry. So, whether or not the other person responds, I can at the very least feel good about living in accordance to MY values.
Yes I could have gone in and talked to him but the man was going to sleep...while a man is sleeping in his bed is not a good time to mention C or other touchy subjects...He knew I went to the C, he mentioned talking about it, He went to sleep.
Quote: no one here is making you out to the bad guy. But I'm also not going to join you in the "woe is me" chant either. You're smart, straight, funny and a wonderful mom - and probably a whole mess of things more that I don't yet know about you. Get up, LL - let go of the tired victim routine and let's keep working on capturing the interactions and looking for some new twist to try, OK?
