I do appreciate the attempt at looking through h's eyes at the sit but it's far from reality...
Quote: I was just wondering what your husband's journal would say if he was writing about the same day. I wonder if it would be something like this ...
I left for work early today. I’ve changed my meds this week and it’s left me feeling weird. I woke up and rather than take out my downer behaviour on the whole family ducked out and went to work.
H always leaves for work early...meds or no meds he hardly saw son awake at all during his first two years of life because he left for work before he woke and didn't get home til after he was in bed.
I called Lost Love this morning to say hi and let her know I was thinking of her. She said she’d been to counselling and had been running a whole heap of other errands. She’s been going to that same counsellor for such a long time and yet she still seems dissatisfied.
haven't been to the c in almost 3 years today was first visit back
She’s really unhappy and I don’t know what to do about it. I told her I’d be home early so we could catch up and she can tell me how she went at the counsellor, maybe I’ll finally get some hints from her about what I can do to help her be happier.
I got over giving hints a long time ago..I've told h directly I'd like him to set some time asside for us to connect (even suggested one night a week for a date night..don't even have to leave the house...) that I'd like for him to actually kiss me during our infrequent sexual encounters (even placed some listerine strips in his nightstand) oh and to have them be less infrequent.
I got home as early as I could allowing for traffic – at 5.30pm and they had already finished dinner. I wish Lost Love would just agree to put dinner back to 6.00pm or 6.30pm. I love eating with the family, but LL has it all served up and put away by 5.30pm every day. I don’t think she wants to eat with me. She’d made a delicious soup – she’s the best cook I know - but eat together, no way.
it is only this week that h has started ariving home @5:30 the majority of the year h doesn't get home until 7 or later should I just let my kids starve and eat in their pajamas while waiting for dad to get home? If h were home at 5:30 every night I'd be more than happy to wait on dinner for him.
She and the kids had theirs finished as always so I took mine down to the basement and ate it in front of the TV – alone again.
His choice the kids and I were all up in the kitchen at that time..hadn't even gotten up from the table yet he could have sat with us but chose not to.
I wanted to talk to her about counselling, but she did some exercise tape thing with our little girl and then went straight to the golly computer, like she does every night.
I was in the kitchen with the kids he had already retreated to the basement.
I don’t think she wants to be near me.
how could he get that message from me when I've asked him to make time for us?
Then she started on me about kissing the kids good night,
I didn't start in on him..I simply let him know that his dd wanted him.
fixing the radio I apparently broke - Last time I used it it was fine - but anyway – continued hassling me about saying good night to the kids.
I didn't continue hassleing him..I simply let him know she wanted him
Of course I’m going to say good night to them – I love them. I love tucking them in.
No, it's not "of course" 95% of the time he doesn't kiss them goodnight, he's already asleep on the couch when I put them up to bed...I quietly let him know they want him...he stirs and says "OK" but doesn't get up...it's gotten to the point where dd says to me after I read her her story and kiss her good night "this time really tell daddy I want him to give me a kiss"
So I did my evening stuff and went to bed,
evening stuff? his evening stuff usually involves little more than eating, showering and falling asleep
thinking maybe she’ll come in and we can talk and have a cuddle – but no – she’s in the basement for the rest of the night watching CSI or some other thing.
I said good night didn't I? he could have asked me to come in and I would have...if he's in bed he's going to sleep..I've fallen for the "well maybe he'll want to talk or cuddle" trap before it doesn't get me anywhere so I occupy myself until I'm tired enough to fall asleep without feeling rejected by him next to me.
I love her and I miss her, but I don’t know how to get close to her and spend time with her. I wish she’d meet me half way.
