drowning in it

[Walking]

I was just wondering what your husband's journal would say if he was writing about the same day. I wonder if it would be something like this ...

I left for work early today. I’ve changed my meds this week and it’s left me feeling weird. I woke up and rather than take out my downer behaviour on the whole family ducked out and went to work.

I called Lost Love this morning to say hi and let her know I was thinking of her. She said she’d been to counselling and had been running a whole heap of other errands. She’s been going to that same counsellor for such a long time and yet she still seems dissatisfied. She’s really unhappy and I don’t know what to do about it. I told her I’d be home early so we could catch up and she can tell me how she went at the counsellor, maybe I’ll finally get some hints from her about what I can do to help her be happier.

I got home as early as I could allowing for traffic – at 5.30pm and they had already finished dinner. I wish Lost Love would just agree to put dinner back to 6.00pm or 6.30pm. I love eating with the family, but LL has it all served up and put away by 5.30pm every day. I don’t think she wants to eat with me. She’d made a delicious soup – she’s the best cook I know - but eat together, no way. She and the kids had theirs finished as always so I took mine down to the basement and ate it in front of the TV – alone again.

I wanted to talk to her about counselling, but she did some exercise tape thing with our little girl and then went straight to the golly computer, like she does every night. I don’t think she wants to be near me. Then she started on me about kissing the kids good night, fixing the radio I apparently broke - Last time I used it it was fine - but anyway – continued hassling me about saying good night to the kids. Of course I’m going to say good night to them – I love them. I love tucking them in.

So I did my evening stuff and went to bed, thinking maybe she’ll come in and we can talk and have a cuddle – but no – she’s in the basement for the rest of the night watching CSI or some other thing.

I love her and I miss her, but I don’t know how to get close to her and spend time with her. I wish she’d meet me half way.

You know he's going through this as well ...