I really do appreciate the help you're trying to offer. Maybe my frustration is keeping me from hearing what you are trying to say.
I'll do my best to answer your questions without emotions getting in the way
Quote: Several posts ago you mentioned that you talked to H. (on a Wed. night) and got the same response from him. Did you talk to him in the same old manner, thus getting the same old response? Are you sure there's nothing more to learn in terms of communication?
I'm sure there's always something to learn...I'm just not sure what esle there is for me to learn. I did my best to not talk to him in the same old manner...I tried very hard to not be emotional about it in any way...tried to just be matter of fact. It didn't seem to get me to where I wanted to be though.
Quote: Again, no one is asking you to continue. You are, however, on a site where people come to get help to save their M., so it's natural that we'd chime in with help in that direction. But I'm perfectly willing to give you support to come to terms with your decision to leave the M., if that's what you want.
I don't want to end my M, I want to make it better. I'm only willing to end my M in the event that it doesn't get better soon.
Quote: You've mentioned many times that you're getting ready. What do you need to know to move from getting ready to Step 1? What questions do you have about taking that decision? Is it about the procedure? The effect on the kids? Financial security? What information are you missing? There's plenty of folks around here with expertise in all areas.
It's not about procedure it's about knowing for certain that it's the best choice for me.
Quote: Here's another one of those "when I'm ready" responses. But you also mention "no other options"? Are there other options you can think of? What have you been doing to seek confirmation of the availability (or not) of these other options?
"other options" would be to find a way to get the m where I want it.
Quote: OK, so it sounds like you'd really like to find one of those 'other options'. And I'll even drive you nuts by saying I think it IS possible to change your H., or at least many patterns/dynamics in your M. But for that you have to be willing to do something differently yourself...
Like what? I've gotten a life, I've tried to be more positive around h, compliment him, not nag him or make complaints, act as if etc. tried no r talk, tried r talk... I'm at a loss.
Quote: So what will make you "strong enough to do what needs to be done"? Do you know where/how/when you can obtain that 'strength' you need?
need to start taking better care of me... get back to a regular bed time regardless of where h has fallen asleep (just because he's sprawled all over the bed doesn't mean I can't move him over it's my bed too) start working out again...starting is the hard part..always seems to be something else going on. little things. The big thing being strong enough to make the decision for myself as to what I want to do.
Quote:
LL: (goals) - go back to c - find out what/how to take action in filing...I can't do this anymore.
Any progress on these? Are these goals some of the things you need to garner strength?
Yes, and Yes I've got an apt with my c next week. As far as finding out how to file? I figure that's something to look into down the line if it comes to that.
Quote: it really sounds like you need some distance - I'll even call it perspective. . . Again, I understand the frustration & sadness, etc. But how is all this "I can't", "no use", "done that", etc. ever going to help you come to a strong, assured decision of what to do? How can you reject the mere notion that perhaps your communication style with H. leaves room for improvement? Do you really just want to sit and pout?
I'll admit that when I step back things aren't as horrible as I think when I'm allowing myself to get all wrapped up in it...but they still aren't great just subdued. My no use, been there done that attitude is obviously getting me nowhere...it's clearly frustration. As I said I'm sure my communication style could use some work but I do work hard at saying things in the right manner...I'm not perfect but I do try to think before I speak to h. My communication style has improved over the years but I still get stonewalled by h. I've done enough pouting, crying, screaming...I just want to find a solution...I know some but h has to be willing and it doesn't seem like he is.
