Well, I figured I'd take another crack at trying to help. LL, I'm not sure what any of us can say. You seem to immediately reject any attempt at finding out if there's another way to ask H. for what you want, or of getting what you want. Several posts ago you mentioned that you talked to H. (on a Wed. night) and got the same response from him. Did you talk to him in the same old manner, thus getting the same old response? Are you sure there's nothing more to learn in terms of communication?
Anyhoo, I've gone back through your thread and pulled out some quotes that I had questions on:
Quote: Why should I continue to try when my h doesn't seem to want to.
Again, no one is asking you to continue. You are, however, on a site where people come to get help to save their M., so it's natural that we'd chime in with help in that direction. But I'm perfectly willing to give you support to come to terms with your decision to leave the M., if that's what you want.
Quote: That is correct but to be more accurate...A or no A if things don't change..I'm getting ready to walk.
You've mentioned many times that you're getting ready. What do you need to know to move from getting ready to Step 1? What questions do you have about taking that decision? Is it about the procedure? The effect on the kids? Financial security? What information are you missing? There's plenty of folks around here with expertise in all areas.
Quote: H2H: When are you going to DO something about the change you seek?
LL: When I'm certain that there's no other option. When I'm ready to.
Here's another one of those "when I'm ready" responses. But you also mention "no other options"? Are there other options you can think of? What have you been doing to seek confirmation of the availability (or not) of these other options?
Quote: H2H: If you're that unhappy, and you feel you've done everything you could do - then stop looking at H. and start planning what YOU, and only YOU can do to get where you want to be.
LL: I don't really want to be a D'd mother of two. But since I can't change my h I guess that's what I've got to do.
OK, so it sounds like you'd really like to find one of those 'other options'. And I'll even drive you nuts by saying I think it IS possible to change your H., or at least many patterns/dynamics in your M. But for that you have to be willing to do something differently yourself...
Quote: did you ever stop and think that I complain here instead of complaining to H? after all there really isn't time for me to complain to him..he's either not here or he's here but asleep.
I'm perfectly aware of the need to vent - we all come here for a bit of that. But complaining with no action is like trying to nail jello to the wall - a lesson in futility.
Quote: LL: what's gotta change is me. I know that I can no longer stay in this r but have been trying to make it work. now the changes that are needed are to make me strong enough to do what needs to be done.
So what will make you "strong enough to do what needs to be done"? Do you know where/how/when you can obtain that 'strength' you need?
Quote: LL: (goals) - go back to c - find out what/how to take action in filing...I can't do this anymore.
Any progress on these? Are these goals some of the things you need to garner strength?
LL, it really sounds like you need some distance - I'll even call it perspective. . . Again, I understand the frustration & sadness, etc. But how is all this "I can't", "no use", "done that", etc. ever going to help you come to a strong, assured decision of what to do? How can you reject the mere notion that perhaps your communication style with H. leaves room for improvement? Do you really just want to sit and pout?
