Quote: What IS clear to me is that YOU are not happy with your current situation - your marriage. From what I gather right now, you suspect another A. and if that's the case then you're prepared to walk - is that correct?
That is correct but to be more accurate...A or no A if things don't change..I'm getting ready to walk.
Quote: You say "either way something's gotta change" - but why does that change hinge on whether or not you find out he's having an A.?
it doesn't hinge on it..but if he is it makes change that much easier...he goes no questions, no explenations..it's over.
So tell me what you would do if you find out he's NOT having an A.?
Either way he's not present..and how can you find out someone NOT having an A.
Why not start implementing those changes right now? What do those changes look like? What is your part/responsibility in bringing about those changes you envision for yourself and the kids?
I've done all I can to make myself and my life better for me. H has chosen to detach himself from me/us and there's nothing I can do to bring him in.
Quote: I really do hear your frustration, LL - and I can completely empathize with the situation. I see it every time someone tries to make a suggestion to you and you often respond "been there, done that".
Well I have...it's a rare occassion when someone suggests something I haven't done and it's frustrating to attempt to get that accross...especially to people that have read my posts sinc the begining.
But I gotta ask you that "IF something's gotta change," then who do you think is responsible for making that change, for deciding what that change will look like? (hint: YOU)
I've made plenty of changes...took note of the things h expressed displeasure with during seperation...kept with them...made more changes for myself...all it's served to do is make me a better person with a better life but still an empty m
Quote: It does seem from this side of the screen that you have completely given up your DB'ing efforts - or talking to H. about the situation. If that's the case, then focus on YOU - only YOU can make it happen; make the life you want to live, regardless of whether or not there's an A. going on.
So continue to make my life what I want it to be but don't consider for a min that my m may just be one that isn't mean to be because then I'm a waw who just didn't db hard enough? I can't make my h love me if he doens't. I can't make him want to spend time with me, I can't make him kiss me, I can't make him call me, I can't make him do anything at all...all I can do is be me and accept the fact that I can either accept "that's just the way I am" from him and live in a loveless marriage or I can move on. I have talked to h about it...he doesn't have anything to say...he makes excuses for himself that I'm tired of hearing. Enough is enough...I deserve love and affection and I don't get that from h. Sometimes people do marry for the wrong reasons and I think h and I are those people.
