Hi LL,
I've been lurking a bit over here - mainly because I remember the great exchanges with you, Sage and others back then. I learned a lot reading through those old threads.
I must say that I am a bit confused as to what your goals are - I see your posts here & in piecing, and I get the sense that venting is part of your reason here - which is completely understandable.
Quote: Either way somethings gotta change around here or I will be a waw but the trouble is I don't think I'll really be the waw I think it's h who's a wah who just hasn't walked.
What IS clear to me is that YOU are not happy with your current situation - your marriage. From what I gather right now, you suspect another A. and if that's the case then you're prepared to walk - is that correct?
You say "either way something's gotta change" - but why does that change hinge on whether or not you find out he's having an A.? So tell me what you would do if you find out he's NOT having an A.? Why not start implementing those changes right now? What do those changes look like? What is your part/responsibility in bringing about those changes you envision for yourself and the kids?
I really do hear your frustration, LL - and I can completely empathize with the situation. I see it every time someone tries to make a suggestion to you and you often respond "been there, done that". But I gotta ask you that "IF something's gotta change," then who do you think is responsible for making that change, for deciding what that change will look like? (hint: YOU)
My suggestion would be not to focus on snooping around or collecting clues - to me that would be to stay mired in the ugly past and equally unpleasant present which you say you cannot stand. I'd say why not decide what those changes you talk about will look like, and how they can be achieved. It does seem from this side of the screen that you have completely given up your DB'ing efforts - or talking to H. about the situation. If that's the case, then focus on YOU - only YOU can make it happen; make the life you want to live, regardless of whether or not there's an A. going on.
