lostlove, sorry to hear of your sitch but you do seem to have a strong attitude about it. I remember reading something (can't remember what book right now) about after reconciliation, often the spouse who was left behind before ends up wanting out of the marriage later. They figured out what their needs are and they forgave their WAS and had the strength to work on the marriage and then if the spouse comes back and doesn't prove themselves capable of really creating a beautiful marriage, well the tables turn and they are the ones walking away. Perhaps the spouses who come back don't realize what they need to prove, perhaps they are still trying to get away with the wrong things they were doing before or maybe not at all...either way they need to realize we won't be doormats.
Are you able to have good, honest communication with your H? Can you take baby steps to create that if not now? I personally want to reach a point where if I have any concerns (suspicious, fears, sadness, anger, anything negative) I can voice them in a loving way and my H will LISTEN and validate and WANT to make me feel secure. If H feels secure with your love toward him but is not doing the same for you, he needs to understand the consequences of it. If you both feel secure, you both win of course.
