Well, last night he phoned me and I ended up in tears on the phone and said some not very nice things.
Then this morning after I got back from the clinic I found a really AWFUL email from him. He is blocked but he emailed from my old business email address.
He said I was pathetic and he NEVER wanted to hear me mention him and EX-OW1 again, at least he had had feelings for her, whereas when I slept with people, I just f**ked around so that makes me an adulterer too and he never wants to hear me accuse him of adultery again.
He said he loved me but I haven't changed and I'm a bad mother for the kids so he can't be with me as I am.
He said I'm selfish and I didn't care about his dad etc etc.
Well, I read the email, cried, phoned him and said I've had enough, I can't take this anymore. No one appreciates me, you don't care, the kids aren't bothered, you hate me as a mother, I am crap at everything and I'm going to leave. I said I'd just disappear and go fruit picking in Australia, or something, then he'd never have to hear from me again.
He said he did like me as a mother and liked the pictures of Heaven and stuff I'd done with them and that he 'does love me but not when you're like this.'
Then I went to bed and basically stayed there all day. He phoned several times and I didn't answer.
Eventually at 4 o clock in the afternoon, I got up and answered the phone. It was him asking how I am. I said okay. He asked what I was thinking. I said 'nothing'. He asked if I wanted DD4 back yet. I said yes. He asked if I was having the girls overnight tonight. I said actually I feel awful, can we do it a different night? He said okay.
He brought DD4 back and left straight away. I made her some sandwiches and we settled in front of the TV.
Half an hour later, the phone rang again and it was Andy, asking if DD2 could use my toilet as he was still shopping in my town and she needed to go. I said yes but thought this was a strange request.
Then he asked 'have you eaten?' I said no. He said that he was going to get chips and did I want some? I said yes, okay.
A few minutes later they were all on my doorstep with the food! We all sat on the living room floor and ate, and DD1 and DD2 told me they'd found a video I'd made of DD1 when she was a baby, and they had all been watching it this morning.
Then they started reminising about houses we'd lived in and Andy joined in too. Then we talked about the funeral and I said that they should invite a journalist from the 'Which?' magazine as Andy's dad was the most loyal customer!
I said thank you to Andy for the food and he took my hand and squeezed it and put his arm round me. We sat there, hugging, and I apologised for bawling my head off yesterday. We hugged somemore, then I kissed DD2 and they left.
I will see them tomorrow as I am still watching them while he does funeral arrangements, just not overnight as my nerves are frayed.
