I wasn't going to come back on here. I've been crying all day. I have had the worse day ever.

We had a lot of 'external' problems with our M (ie, not the fault of him or me). First we were very young (16 and 19) and our parents didn't want us to be together so they tried to keep us separate the first few months and we had to sneak around in secret. Then my mother threw me out of home aged 16 because I refused to leave him so we effectively had to move in together very quick as I had no where to live.

His mother also hated me and would pick fights every time we visited, usually ending with me in tears and Andy feeling torn between me and his mother.

Then we had sexual problems because of a medical complaint, VS, that I suffer with, and had 9 months of celibacy (very distressing), me in pain all the time, trips to hospital etc. Finally got it under control with steroids and managed a SL but with a great deal of pain for me so then Andy blamed himself for 'hurting me' and then he would refuse to have sex and be afraid to hug me in case it led to sex and then he hurt me. I had to persuade him to ML in those early years and I felt unattractive. Sometimes he would initiate but then always racked with guilt after because I was in pain.

I told him once to leave me for a 'proper' woman with 'normal' ladies bits and he broke down crying and said he never wanted to hear me say that again, and he didn't care if we never ML as long as he could be with me God, I felt like a [censored] then

I have to leave this post and continue later - he's coming round.