I don't know why I bother to write this. No one is bothered and it doesn't even help. I think I should just leave this board for good. I've often said that but I think so this time.

Andy came to fetch DD4 and my other DD's came in. They started complaining they were hungry so I offered to make pizza. They accepted.

We all chatted and DD4 showed them her witches hat for Halloween. Then Andy asked if I was going to his dad's funeral. I said no.

He asked why and I said because of EX-OW1 and there was no way on earth I would ever go anywhere with the woman who slept with my husband.

He started shouting immediately and saying how stupid, ridiculous and paranoid I was (this was right after I cooked him a meal). I just walked out of the room, into the kitchen and said nothing, but I was crying.

The girls wanted cake so I was trying to cut pieces of cake but couldn't do it as I was just crying too much. DD2 came in and stared at me and I shouted at her
'What the flippin' hell are you staring at? I'm not a flippin' goldfish!!'

She walked out again.

Andy came in and said he was sorry for upsetting me and tried to touch my arm but I was just too upset to look at him. I started trying to look for spoons but my kitchen light doesn't work so it's difficult in the dark.

He said EX-OW1 didn't steal him as we were already separated. I just screamed at him
'YOU WERE STILL BLOODY MARRIED TO ME, YOU ARSEHOLE, WHATEVER EXCUSE YOU WANT TO MAKE, THAT WAS ADULTERY, AND I AM NOT GOING TO HEAR YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSES ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!'

Believe me, I yelled so loud half the neighbourhood heard me.

He stopped trying to defend himself and said that he and EX-OW1 were over now, she was an ex, so what was my problem?

I said she had slept with him, over or not, it happened and he actually had the nerve to say he was arriving at his dad's funeral with her in the same car?

He said 'so what? Everyone know's she's an ex.'

I said 'what about my feelings? What about how much that will embarrass, humiliate and hurt me!? Haven't you already hurt me enough!?'

He just said 'she's an ex too and she doesn't have a problem with going.'

I just screamed at him then, how dare you bloody say that to me, I am NOT just an ex!!! Don't you compare me to her, you complete bastard!! That's all you think of me, isn't it?? Just an ex and nothing more!!!!!'

He said no, that's not what he meant. I said that he didn't respect me enough to honour the role that I played as mother to his dad's grandchildren and wife to him for years on end and he placed more importance on a 'friend' of his father's than someone like me who was family.

I said you think this is easy? You think you're the only one who lost a father!? Well, I lost a father too. He was there since I was 10 years old, I lost a friend, I lost my children's grandfather, and not only that, I also lost my baby recently! Yet still I have tried to be supportive and ask how you're feeling and look after the kids whenever you want; I clean your house, I cook for you, I do everything I can think of to make this easier when I am grieving too, and you repay me by inviting EX-OW1 to his funeral so now I can't even pay my respects!?

He said I could, I was just being pig headed. I said that he didn't treat me like a human being with feelings and that I didn't expect to have them over for dinner, agree to do all his babysitting when he just shouted at me in my own house!

Then I just bawled, for my lost marriage, my lost family, my lost baby, his father and everything all at once.

Of course, he ate his food like nothing had even happened and then walked out.

I am totally shattered and spent the last 2 hours sobbing.