Outside of the funeral, in a big picture sort of way, I'm thinking that Wes has a point. Take time to review the past 3-4 months. I see Andy as making a turn of sorts, and sending out quite a few feelers regarding his interest in you, and making sizably greater attempts at appropriate behavior and empathic statements toward you.
On your end, I see you wanting it all, and now. Good Rs have to start with friendships, and from this basis, the building up of trust, especially after such hurt has occurred. You seem to overextend yourself with offering help, then follow it up with parallel expectations about how he 'should' be or ought to respond.
To assume that he'll be contented with your friendship is just that: an a$$sumption. You can't predict fully another's behavior, Jo. No one can. The whole reason DBers are here is b/c we believe we can change ourselves and therefore the R. If we can change, so can the WAS. And if the WAS can change, then they aren't very predictable.
There are no real hardset rules with post-D DBing, Jo, but I'm not sure of your chances of success if you want to jump from no R to an R with little trust-building opportunities in between.
