You said the D didn't mean I D'ed FIL - maybe not directly, but that is effectively what happens because I can't even say is IS (was) my FIL anymore.
The court cut my connection to my kids, it just isn't the same anymore and since I'm not raising them I don't feel it ever will be.
The D cut my connection to every other member of my own family. I had managed to form a *reasonable* if not a bit shallow R with my mother (bit like the one I've got with my kids now) prior to the split, y'know, not much said, visits every so often, only casual topics discussed etc and then after that she just went on the attack and couldn't cope with the court hearing and seemed to just hate me. Then I had to cut her out for my own sanity.
My sister has never spoken to me since the split (getting on for 4 years now) and in fact sent hate-mail to my business email address via my website.
My brother, although likes me, is loyal to the others so we don't keep in contact anymore.
My best friend Sheena, who I've known since I was 13, who hand-made my DD's christening gown and was a bridesmaid at my wedding, I cut her out completely after I lost costody because I was too ashamed of being a childless mother and I just didn't want to turn up on her doorstep without them and have to admit that and have her think I harmed them in some way. She has not heard from me in years and no doubt wonders why. Too much has happened to me to even attempt contact.
MIL refuses to have me round the house and has been like that since the split, even to the point of kicking me out on the street Christmas Day because she didn't want me in her house overnight. She never visits DD4 here, only if she is with Andy.
I've not heard from Andy's step-dad or any of his aunties/other relations who used to like me, since this happened. I don't even get a Christmas card.
FIL himself banned me from the house that first year we split up (that really hurt) - the second year he invited me for Christmas which was nice but apart from that I hadn't seen him in nearly 3 years. I get no birthday cards from anyone (not even Andy), no presents, no nothing to even suggest that anyone remembers I exist.
Every year I buy myself a birthday present because no one else will; it's the same at Christmas.
Andy sometimes gets the girls to make me cards, but I feel so hateful over all of the above that I just think it doesn't mean much if the rest of the family dislike me so much. It's like forgetting me all year and then trying to 'buy me off' with something they've done.
Andy didn't want me at the hospital when FIL was dying. I wasn't there in life, I wasn't there in death, so why the bleedin' hell should I be there for his funeral? It's so fake.
Sorry, I'm just so angry right now with the lot of them I feel as if I want to commit murder.
