Wow, am I exhausted!

The kids refused to go to sleep last night and kept getting up and talking till about 1am, until I shouted at them, and then DD3 had a nose bleed in the middle of the night and also talked loudly in her sleep so I didn't get to sleep till 3am.

Got up late, discovered lice in DD4's hair (ugh) so showered her against her will, LOL.
Then they watched a movie while I showered.

Pretty standard day of playing, sorting out disputes and housework, and my house is a TIP now. It'll take me forever to clear all this away.

They've eaten every scrap of food in the house and I have no money till Tuesday so we're living off my imagination, LOL.

Andy came round this evening, looking sad and we talked (on our own) about his dad and about him and how he was coping.
He says because they've reduced his sedation, he actually smiled this morning, when he saw him, but he cannot manage without 90-100% machine help so the dr's can't really sustain life like that.

Andy's going back to the hospital again tomorrow with BIL and his mother to talk to the dr about what they do from here.

I had tears in my eyes when he was telling me this; I have known his dad for 18 years so this is starting to get to me a little.

Andy then said he wanted to catch a train from my town to the hospital. The train station is within walking distance of my house. I said you silly duffer, you don't need to go back to Derby tonight, I'll have the girls and you can kip on my sofa, I promise I won't touch you.

He asked for a coffee while he thought about it and then said
'Actually, what I'd really love is a bath on my own so if you could look after the girls again and I'll go and get a bath, I'm not trying to avoid spending time with you, I just need some time to wind down.'

I said, Andy, I didn't offer to get a free evening with you. Your dad is dying and I want to help you, so whatever you think would help is fine with me.'

He squeezed my hand when I said that.

Then we called the children into the room and they all sat round us on the floor and Andy explained that they would be staying with me again because grandad was really sick and he explained that his lungs didn't work and he was probably going to die (in the nicest way possible).

They started asking to see him so we both explained about the machines and wires and that he wasn't awake most of the time. They said 'When can we?' and Andy said
'You won't be able to because he can't live without lungs. He's going to die.'

He carried on talking about it but I noticed that DD1 kept messing about with her fingers so I said to him,
'Hang on a minute, Andy, she's upset.'
And I asked her if she was okay. He asked her the same thing and she burst into tears.
I went to hug her but Andy got there first and she was just bawling 'I don't want him to die, I don't want him to die' over and over again.

Then DD2 started up and she was bawling too, and kicking things. Then DD3 joined in and started crying and saying she wants her grandad.

DD4 saw everyone crying and decided to pout because she was the only one not being grumpy. She went and sat on Andy's knee and did some fake crying (you could tell it was totally put on) and then laughed.

Despite the sitch, that made me and Andy smile.

I tried to comfort DD2 but she was just yelling about how she didn't want to stay with me so that made me feel really rejected DD3 wouldn't be consoled either.

In the end I suggested to Andy that he stay until they were ready for bed and then he could kiss them goodnight and that might ease the pain a bit.

He did this and they were still wailing and protesting when we shut the bedroom doors. I asked him if he had introduced spirituality into their lives.
He said no, not yet.

Then he looked at me and said
'Can you do that? tomorrow?'
I said yes, I'd try.

After the sobbing had stopped, he sighed in a stressed out way, and then hugged me and held me against his chest for a couple of minutes.

He thanked me for helping him and on his way out the door, I said
'Don't worry, Andy, I'll talk to them tomorrow.'

Oh heck - I haven't seen them in ages and now suddenly we're all under one roof and I have to give them their first lesson in spirituality (gulp!).

Jo.