Hello Everyone, and thanks to Hope, Linda, jdd, Jill, Wes etc who sent best wishes.
Ellie - yes I am thankful I didn't take those pills - I would have felt like a murderer if I had. I didn't plan any of this but after a few days I got kind of pleased at the idea of another baby and now there isn't going to be one, I feel so let down and disappointed.
I wish I hadn't told Andy now, because now I've got to tell him we're not having one, right in the middle of his dad dying. Well, I am hoping he won't be bothered since he didn't want one anyway - but he didn't blame me for it like I thought he would and he did ask questions about it and act concerned, so I can't really say how he will feel about it.
I am thankful at least that I wasn't 5 months pregnant, or something, that would have been awful. At least I only thought I was having one for about a week.
Andy has a hereditory abnormality of chromasome 17 which has a 50/50 chance of passing on to any children we have, causing them to be disabled. Our 3 eldest are normal, and I think DD4 is normal too although she has not had the genetic test so I can't say for certain (symptoms don't develop till age 5 - it's like a ticking time bomb, waiting to go off), she doesn't display any of the warning signs so I'm pretty sure she's normal.
Anyway, as I have had several miscarriages and 2 threatened ones I have a theory that maybe those babies I lose carry the chromasome abnormality. Andy says no, it can't kill, but the biggest reason for miscarriage is chromasome abnormality and with such a high risk ratio, it wouldn't surprise me.
I am trying to think to myself if I had had one, it probably would have had the disability - and while Andy does fine with it, I wouldn't particularly want a child of mine to have it.
I couldn't reply immediately because DD4 chose tonight to want to do extremely active play (more so than she normally does) while I am all uncomfortable etc. First she wanted me to chase her round the house, then she wanted to play ball and after that she insisted on jumping off the sofa and having me catch her (repeatedly) - while I didn't mind the chasing, having her jump at me at great speed was quite painful.
She usually plays role play games (pretending to vaccum, pretend cooking, making cups of tea, mothering her dollies) and stuff like colouring with crayons and looking at books. She rarely asks to do physical stuff so it's weird that today when I'm in pain she would want to.
I didn't get her to bed until 9 o clock - she was bursting with energy.
