I agree I probably shouldn't have made the 'this place is a dump' remark, but I was really nervous of going there after 2 years so perhaps I was a bit out of character.
I don't know why he was funny about the cat. He didn't mind keeping her because DD1 named her (Kate because if you knock the 'e' off Kate it says Kat which sounds like Cat - clever for a then 6 year old to make that association) and DD1 wanted to keep her anyway. Maybe he did think I preferred the cat, but I used to have a cat myself who moved in with me by force (I tried every way to get him to go away and he wouldn't. He just jumped in the window and then rubbed himself all over me, purring, and wouldn't leave so he just ended up staying and lived with me for 2 years before he died of old age), so anyway, I have missed him a lot and missed having a cat around, and Andy knows this, but his mind is probably distracted with his dad.
As per the baby loss, there was more to it than I said on here (for fear of backlash). It was a problematic pregnancy, medically, (there was a question mark over whether it was viable) and then Andy flipped out and decided to take me to court for custody of DD3 so I just broke under the pressure and said I can't do it and what with the recurrant bleeding and problems, and the legal action and my very suspect mental health at the time, I chose to stop that particular pregnancy. It probably would have lived as I got through the danger stage but I just couldn't take the witness stand when pregnant - I felt like I was going crazy. They did surgery under the Mental Health Act and the dr ripped me internally with his instruments and I lost so much blood I was in hospital 3 days with a line in and them asking to transfuse me but I said no so they kept on at me about it and in the end I let them give me glucose instead of blood. We both went into grief and shock, he said I killed his baby, I blamed myself for not being stronger, he took DD3 to punish me (or so it seemed at the time) - we did spend a few days together afterwards and this was the last time I ever saw his house. I have suffered massively with guilt and self-hate since (one of the reasons I wanted to donate eggs), and he saw how much the whole sitch destroyed me, so for him to bring it up, I think was horrible.
It took him a year to get over it (I still haven't), which is why I was 'dark' on him for so long.
I was trying to protect myself by telling him I would only be here once, as I felt a little attacked by a few of his remarks, but I should have held my tongue, I agree.
Re the wedding dress - my friend asked to wear it for her wedding but when we tried it, her back was too wide so the buttons wouldn't do up, and she couldn't borrow it, so I just thought if my girl's are different sizes to me, it might not fit (I am tiny and can still wear age 13 clothes). DD1 is slim like me but very tall for her age so I reckon she'll be too tall to wear it, she's almost up to my height at age 9, DD2 is broad-boned like my MIL, etc etc so I didn't want to promise they could all have it if it wouldn't fit - but maybe I should have anyway.
I was being over sensitive over Rose's remark, but even if it was because of my disability, I'm fed up of people discriminating against me (and it is disability discrimination if they think I can't mother because of that). But I should have taken into account her age more, she looks my age instead of 18.
I find it uncomfortable speaking my mind with Andy, as he usually doesn't take any notice I have given up trying to be open with him, and usually people say don't respond.
