I do, Wes, because if I don't, he makes my life too much of a misery.
I let them look at baby photos - that's 'harping on the past' (so he said, I got a solicitor's letter for that and a bollocking from CAFCASS) - the same with the home videos.
Cutting and sticking we did out of magazines he said was 'offensive' (don't know why?) - had EX-OW1 shouting at me on the phone about that.
When I did a family tree he said it was 'inappropriate' and that got mentioned in a court report against me.
When I had to take DD4 to the clinic, he turned up with EX-OW1 and she yelled at me that 'she had Andy, she had the kids, so why didn't I just give DD4 to Andy and f**k off out of their lives?' (said in front of Andy) - I was reduced to tears and the hospital refused to see my DD because they didn't want to be involved in a domestic.
I let them play with marbles - he and CAFCASS said that was dangerous as they might trip on them and fall over.
I got to be so depressed and so scared that I used to throw my post in the bin because I was afraid to open it in case it was another solicitors letter. This was what it was like the whole time I was having regular contact.
I could have more access (but can't get it legally as I've run out of legal aid), but NOT if it means going through all that again, which it will.
I became so desperate at times I considered giving him DD4 just to get him to leave me alone - all I wanted was peace, at any cost, and it's only been my closest friend's encouraging me to keep hold of her and keep my head up that has kept me going through those times.
In fact, my closest friends who went through it all with me, say I shouldn't even see them at all because they were there while it was going on so they know what happens when I do have them regularly.
The only time he didn't do that was when we were together which is why I have tried for so long.
