Firstly I didn't lay claim to the cat. Andy wasn't even in the same room at the time (he was in an adjoining room) so it was just an exclamation of pleasure to myself at seeing the cat, which he overheard while getting his breakfast. I never meant any harm by it.
Secondly, he will come in my house and look on my cell phone without permission, and say stuff like 'why isn't my name on your computer?' and 'that used to be mine' etc etc so I haven't done anything that he doesn't do.
I should add that I used to live there 2 days a week when I was first DB'ing so it feels like my home.
Thirdly, I wasn't DB'ing and didn't go round there to DB. I'm too tired for any of that. I went round there to have the girls and do chores while he was visiting his dad as his friends won't do it everyday, and I only offered that because his dad is dying.
I didn't expect him to thank me but I object to the fact that he started going on about 'wanting a good mother for his children' right after I have done all that.
The only mistake I made in my eyes is asking about EX-OW2 - but even with her I was polite on the phone.
I also don't mind doing chores for people - any people, not just him (I have cleaned my friend Sam's kitchen while she was at work, I have been grocery shopping for people and made Greek Salad for another friend and her husband; it's what you do when you are friends). Also, since my DD's live there I wanted to help.
As for getting at him about mess - I said it in a jokey way and he didn't take offence. He has been round here and told me he hates my (old) sofa and pointed out if I didn't mop the kitchen floor, when his place was evidently worse, so I put up with these remarks and smile sweetly, yet he can say what he likes?
As for my DD's, I do my best. I haven't raised them since they were 3, 4 and 5 and all there has been for years is fighting so I have very little to go on. Andy had already set down rules for what I was and wasn't allowed to discuss with them before I even went, and in my sitch, the fear of condemnation from him is such that no convo with them is natural.
You tell me how it is possible to get close to them when you're always wondering whether he would allow this, that or the other? I feel like another one of the kid's, not their mother or his XW.
When he first left, he just disappeared with them and I didn't even know where he was. I tried every avenue I could think of. I thought I would never see them again, then he only allowed 1 visit a month and kept snatching my baby, and basically I had to fight every inch of the way to have any kind of R with them.
This damages everything. How then people expect me just to blend into this easy, confident mothering role after all that? I am terrified nearly all of the time. I did a family tree with them once and he went completely mad. I backed off from them because he hated everything I tried to do with them and would tell his lawyer and then send nasty letters etc.
I can't be me around them, anymore than I can around him. But you see, even outside people have their own opinion. They don't know what it's like on the inside or the impact that this has, and for instance, even you are being judgemental about convos I've had with them or what I should or should not have picked up from them.
So you think giving birth makes everything automatically natural? That blood means everything? Believe me, after going through that flippin' terror campaign, it isn't. It's the same as if I have given them up for adoption and then suddenly years later, someone places the child in the room and says 'here's your DD.'
They are like new people I have to start from scratch with again.
And I know he's not quit all these controlling behaviours because remember the 'you have no authority' remark when I asked to have them, and the letter from his lawyer about their names in my book? He still does it now so I have everything to be afraid of.
As for the possible pregnancy; I have not discussed it with him. I sent him 1 email days ago, telling him of the possibility but stated in the email he was under no obligation. He sent me 2 texts on the subject, one asking how I was, and 2 saying he was sorry about the clinic.
I have never put him under any pressure regarding it and think it was fair to ask him not to smoke around me since that can cause miscarriage and birth defects. I would not have mentioned it otherwise. If I still am, I intend to do all of it alone and he's not coming to the birth or getting involved, so I feel the sex remark was totally out of hand.
Plus, I think he was telling me the truth; he really didn't like it, else it wouldn't have felt the way it did. I don't expect him to congratulate me on my sexual conquests, esp. not now with his dad like that, but to rub it in my face like that when all I did was ask him not to smoke around me, is a bit cruel, in my opinion.
