Apache, sorry to see that you are on the roller coaster with the rest of us. My H and I are also seperated, he has OW though he is in denial and "just needs someone to talk to" and I have started the going "DARK", no initiating contact by me so we will see where that takes us. We must of some contact though we have D7 and his daughter 16 from previous marriage lives with me. As for what you are feeling it is all normal and I agree it doesn't seem like the right thing to do when you are so far apart(My H and I were living really seperate lives before he walked out), but it is important to have patience more than you think you can muster, and really work on yourself.
Keep your chin up and know that there are others here that share your pain and will do what they can to help.
