This will probably come across as a little harsh. It sounds to me that you have a budding relationship and hope for a future with her. Unfortunately I don't know if it sounds like the start of a healthy relationship. It sounds like one that can only end in heartache again unless you change the dynamic. I don't think at this point that either one of you are ready to try again.
It's understandable, but not helpful, for you to continue to grill her about this affair. You are divorced! To me, the divorce decree is another way of saying that you have given up the right to keep beating that dead horse. I know you want to know all the gory details, but if it's over does it really matter? You are likely going to push her away. You have major trust issues and resentment. I'm sure she does nothing to allay these fears, but trust is something you have to work on between the two of you. Things seem on the right track, but you probably should take the advice and read the book about dealing with an affair. Don't do the..."should I just go dark on her until she tells everything about the affair?" routine.
Me
Hi Joe! By no means does this sound harsh. You are right about changing the dynamic, I am just clueless about how to do it. I did go and buy the book last night, so hopefully that will help. She say's she is wanting to make this work. I want this to work also. As far as the divorce being the end of all questions, I'm not sure about that. Of course I wanted to work things out, but she souldn't hear of it. Mr. Wonderful was telling her how great she was with out knowing anything about her past, etc. But we all know this is what happens. She has taken little responsibility for this being any of her fault. She keeps saying she won't tell me anything for fear of throwing it up in her face, but that is what she constantly does to me. It's like the person who usually is saying the other one is having an affair when actually they are having the affair. Which in this case is also true. I just don't want to find out other things later and have the wounds open up again. I would rather deal with them now, process them and get on with life! As some of the books have said, "it's worse than death" when an affair happens! Again thanks for the ear and the advice!
