I guess it's a little hard to really know me in that rambling tirade that I just posted. The problem I have with asserting myself is when she lies or does mean things to me I have always just "blown them off" because it was easier than the final outcome, which was blow out. Right know , we see each other on weekends and talk daily. I love her dearly, it's just hard when she did a WAW and cheated. This was something we had talked about extensively. She lied many, many times. About money, cheating, feelings, etc. The past abuse has created this. She had the second longest wall built in the world. It's the wall she puts up every time a "hard" discussion needs to be had. She has said that she doesn't want to say anything for fear of me "throwing it in her face." The problem is she can never give me any examples. She creates many situations due to her childhood. All I really want is the truth to what went on when she was lying all the time she was gone. She paints a picture of nothing happened. I have found out alot of things happened. Why lie? doesn't the truth set you free? The lying hurts far more than the actual event. When she did tell me about the other guy and who he was, it was like a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders. And I didn't give her any grief about it. I don't want to be a door mat with her anymore. In the relationship, I was the giver and she was the taker. I know it takes time to develop a relationship, but this one has been "developing" for about 14 years. I want things to change with her actions and in the past I did not enforce it, I just let it slide and let her run all over me. Bruce, thank you for giving me your opinion. I really appreciate it. I just need to give more info to accurately give the facts. I realize BOTH parties are responsible, just some more than others. I truly believe this in my case. Sexual abuse to a child creates many long lasting problems. Add to that a terrible family structure with ALL 10 kids in her family divorced and multiple kids from multiple fathers and you start to see that maybe it's not the rest of the world, maybe it is them. For the first half to two-thirds of our relationship I was Mr. Wonderful. Flowers, gifts, help financially, always taking charge of things like houses, rent, etc. Always compliments, cards, vacations, cars, etc. After getting steamrolled so much I finally decided to stand up for myself and defend myself. EVERY vacation she created a fight. Sex was maybe once a month, usually every two. When she first moved to the west coast with her sister, in the first month she was with someone else and we were still seeing each other. I could go on for hours but hopefully I have given a little picture of what I have gone thru. Again thank you for your reply. You did make me realize a few things and I really appreciate it!
