First time posting here, but read the book about two years ago. Loved the book, but still ended up with a divorce. Crazy thing, we are dating and "exclusive". A little history........ Met wife in hometown in Ohio. Dated about 3-4 months when she moved out to the westcoast. Lived together for almost seven years before I proposed under the "ultimatium act". Was married almost 3 years later. After first year wanted to leave but had "done some soul searching and had found herself". Then entire time our relationship was was very rocky with her angry and verbally violent. On our wedding day she was angry at me because she was influenced by other to be angry as well. Convinced her to go thru with the wedding and go from there. On our honey moon she actually punched me out of anger. (Oh, by the way, did I mention she was sexually abused as child/teen? Found out much later in the relationship) After we had our 3rd wedding anniversary, it was only 3 weeks before she left! I asked her a few days before she left if there was someone else and she immediately answered "NO". I was comfortable with that answer. About a week later she came over and gave me the "it's too late, I love you, I'm just not in love you" answers. Then she finally gave me the "there's someone else" bomb. Of course I was spinning and ushered here out the door as quickly as possible. The next day I went and found out about divorce, changed bank accounts, locks, etc. I wrote her an e-mail and said I was divorcing her and wanted her to communicate only by e-mail. She called and left a message asking "is this really what I wanted?" I of course caved and didn't go thru with it at the time. About 4 months of not knowing what was going on, I pressed her in a phone conversation what she wanted. I was originally going to file for legal seperation, but she finally said she wanted a divorce. So that is what I filed. We were divorced in June of '04. She didn't know that she was until 2 months later. ( Long story, just ask) She was very upset when she found out. A few more months go by and she starts calling and finally coming around. We start seeing more of each other and things "seem" OK. Then I find a card to her ex-boss saying she will always love him and there will be a special place in her heart for him. Looks like she is breaking up with him. I start leaving "hints" about if she knew ******. She claimed she knew noone of this name. A couple of months more go by and a few more hints. Nothing. Finally I spill the beans as to what I had found. At first she denied, then admitted. Asked if she had slept with him (I knew she had, just wanted her to admit) She said "NO". After asking a few more times she finally admitted. She said she "thought that I should know". A few more months go by and I discover that he is still married! Wow, what a blow! Few more months go by and I ask her about a specific piece of furniture she used to have. Caught her totally off guard and she came up with an excuse that it "broke and she got rid of it". I again asked her on the way home and she became angry and said just drop it. Whew! Now my question: I seem to have a problem asserting myself. I really want to know,after she tried to hide and deny, what the real stroy is. Should I tell her and not talk to her until I get the answer or what? I'm one of those people who can handle the truth easier that guessing what it may be. Also this is not the first time she has lied, so the trust factor is really, really low. Any advice appreciated!
