I'm okay, maybe a little melancholy while I've been mulling things over and thinking about the past. In some ways H is right, there's been plenty of pain and hurt for both of us. But I think we've had fun times and have done good things and are very compatible people with each other. It's all how you look at it, is the glass half full or half empty? and 50% isn't good enough. My opinion is we still share the same passions and hobbies and interests and goals. What I don't know is what H's opinion is, and he won't share that with me anymore. And that makes me sad too.
Oh well, I think instead of riding the rollercoaster I'm going to ride the merry-go-round. I still go up and down, but I can also go around in little circles and I'm on a carousel horse. I've always liked the merry-go-round. I think that fits me better, too. I'm on a neverending circle that doesn't stop but I can jump off once in a while and rest.
Thanks for stopping by Hope and keeping me in your thoughts. But I do hope that my path doesn't follow yours right now, I want to break that trend! So I'll keep hanging on the best parts while I wonder what H is really up to. He hasn't made mention of leaving since we talked a week ago, he was distant most of the week, and when I mirrored him he seemed to warm up just a bit over the weekend and was hanging around the bedroom again.
Must be Give Me a Dog Week. I walked outside for lunch break and a guy was walking into the building and said something to me. I couldn't understand him, it's very loud outside the building and he didn't talk very clear because of all his missing teeth. After he repeated and pointed, turns out he wanted to find a home for a little dog that adopted him. The dog came running over and was springing up and down on his hind legs to get petted. I thought, what a cute little dog I could hold on my lap and cuddle with. NO! turn those thoughts off, I don't need another dog and I DON'T need a house dog. I was already on my to buy more dog food.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
WCW = Weather Channel Woman. Current weather is chilly but warming up ever so slightly, with a ray of sun occassionally poking thru the overcast skies.
H was very late getting home last night, I got to wondering if he was coming home at all and thought I ought to go check the drawers and see if he moved out. But, he did come home, I was still out by the arena just sitting listening to horse noises and relaxing. H came to find me, that's a positive. I gave a friendly hi, and we started off on a good note. I probably blew it when we got in the house and I asked if he was hungry and wanted pizza or popcorn. He wrinkled his nose and said he could eat something but wasn't very hungry. A while later I made a grilled cheese for me, and said if he wanted one I'd make one for him. He mumbled something, and then later went and made his own. We had some conversation about groups we are involved in, he laid down on the couch, and I went to bed. A while later H uses the bathroom and stays in the hallway and talks a little bit.
This morning H is up a little early, ends up in the hallway talking about the weather. Came in to look out the bedroom window, back and forth about 3 times, stood around a little bit, I moved over and pulled back the covers on the bed, H asked if that was an invitation for him to lay down, I said yes. So he did, we didn't touch except for a slight bump of elbows. We did chit chat a little more before I got up for a shower, which H did not join me for. He had called a couple times today about things happening tonight. That's nice, I appreciate his calls and the information that he is passing along so I'm not surprised when it happens. I think I told him thanks, I hope I did.
Can it be that he is feeling me out since our conversation last week? He is waiting for me to warm up? I doubt it, but it is something to consider. But again, I think back to the last time I was stubborn and waited for him to come to me, and what I ended up finding was his affair. I don't want that spark reignited.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I swear you see things that the average person wouldn't or doesn't see, in ways to deal with things. You should be proud of yourself and the way you have handled a horrible situation. HANG IN THERE. My sitch has of course taken a nose dive so nothing inspiring to say but think you are a wonderful person.
I think you handled this very gracefully. You offered but didn't push, didn't take it personally if he didn't take you up on the offer, and enjoyed the moment if he did. I don't see this as stubborn; it's more like you're leaving that door open for him and accepting that you can't shove him through it yourself. You done good.
Quote: Can it be that he is feeling me out since our conversation last week? He is waiting for me to warm up?
IMHO, yes, that's exactly it. Your H does this all the time. He comes nosing around like an old dog looking for a handout every time he's afraid he went too far with you.
