Hanging on the Best Parts 2

[WCW]

THANK YOU, HF and OP04. I am grateful for any response.
I am feeling very alone and lonely today, even while sitting in a room full of people. I just want to cry, and I'm sure it is because of how things are with H this week. I miss so much even the crumbs he throws my way, and this week there hasn't even been that. I'm also sure it is because I have been distant from him. It is our pattern. He will not crack, it is always up to me to try to close the gap. That's against DB'ing, to pursue. So the last time I held out and waited months and months before I tried to close the gap he had already found OW and was on his way out the door, and has been on the way out the door ever since. H and OW are still in contact, although I do not feel at the same level as last year. So if I leave that gap he will fill it with someone else who is still ready and waiting. He said he doesn't think he can have feelings for me again. He also says he doesn't think about us. So if he doesn't think about us then how does he think he can't have feelings again? Is it time to kick him in the butt and push him away and let him and I both face reality without the other, or try once again to pull him close? Before his trip, I was really feeling positive, skeptical but like I belonged here in Piecing. Now I don't feel like I belong anywhere. Sure, I can wait for the crumbs to start dropping again. Then what.

I have to somehow start making decisions about finances etc, and getting on with life. I already know from past history that H will not like it, and will balk and bawl like a branded castrated calf about all of it, and then in months to come throw it back in my face how I don't include him and ask him about things. Either way I suffer, but I need to slap the lines and get this horse and buggy started again.

OP04, tell me more about when you had horses?