Hanging on the Best Parts 2

[WCW]

I'd have to pucker up!
The easy answer is if I knew I would have already accomplished it. So basically I don't know, but I suspect it is his mind and pride that is holding him back, from wanting to hug me or let me hug him. In his mind he remembers the negative things, and his memories of the same event are different than mine. That is a problem we have always had, we remember the same thing different.
And while he was involved with someone else, of course he didn't want to think about what a wonderful person I am, he couldn't justify what he was doing then. He hasn't let go of that line of thinking yet. When he picked a fight I fell right into it, and now he says I'm the one that wanted to fight all the time. Before that we never fought or argued. And anything recent that is negative supercedes anything old that he used to throw back at me. How do I change it? I'm working on it little by little, but it's not easy changing a stubborn cowboy. Mostly, as long as he can come and go as he pleases, spend money like he wants, I ask no questions, I pluck what I can from our life and call it positive baby steps, I put my emotions in a hole while I boost his ego, we get along pretty good. This trip thing for instance, I listened for his key words, I'd like to, I want to, I will, none of those words were in our conversation. He said the boys wanted him to come, and one had even bought a new gun already. But never did he say he WAS going, he did ask if I was interested in going, we talked about reasons it wouldn't work for either of us to go. That was it. The other night when he finally did tell me he had tickets, he said he asked if I was going and I walked away, and he wasn't going to beg me. HUH?

And right now, I've got less than 24 hours and he's on a plane, assuming he is leaving Monday like he said but I know zero details. But since Friday night, I haven't felt like hugging him either. I feel like I am supposed to want to, but I can't muster up the follow thru.