Quote: Thanks, Zman. Your input is helpful and means a bunch. Whether I agree or not, H feels that I was very hurtful to him in our 10 years prior to his unadmitted EA/PA, causing him so much pain that he shut down from me. IMO, he found OW first and then shut down from me, but he doesn't see it that way. I can point to the very week in Sept 03 he changed, and 9 months later the cell phone bills verified it. And if I caused so much pain, he should have sort of mentioned it during all those times we talked about us/marriage/goals/buying real estate/etc...... Old water, old bridges. But I do think that's why he won't let go with his feelings/sex/emotion, he thinks he'll get hurt again. HELLO! what does he think he's been doing to me for over TWO years! I have to learn to trust him, he has to let himself trust me.
Ah! Well, that is one spot where our situations are very similar. WAW says that Om came after the fact (but before the bomb) but that's a load. Like you, I can pinpoint the actual week. Actually, the actual weekend. I called her out on it probably six months later and she confirmed that that is when Om expressed a romantic interest.
So, being well down the D road now, what advice can I give about that...hmm...? Well, with my WAW, I am convinced that the reason that she never gave reconciliation a shot is that she was devastated over the affair...the idea that she was "that kind of person". She even said those words. Rather than face up to the affair and work through it, she just walked away from the marriage and most of her old friends as far as I can tell. Anyone who knew her "before".
So, what can I tell you about that? I was really hung up on the A for a long time. That probably didn't help her. I also made it too easy for her to transition to Om and new life by being too understanding, too patient, and leaving the house. Looking back, I should have kicked her out with an ultimatum right off the bat. You're already well beyond that point though.
I just don't have anything useful to add as far as that goes. :\
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it? I have not opened it, it's laying on the table. I sure am curious, but I think I'll see what he does with it, if it's available for my viewing.
That's probably the right thing to do, IMO. Don't give him a reason to think that you are snooping or even care to snoop.
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Mr King of GAL Zen, what kind of riding are you doing? English or Western? what kind of horse? are you wearing those tight little English riding pants?
Pfft. Dude, I have no idea. I have a friend who is into all of that and she (girl friend...two words...don't get excited) pretty much just points me toward a horse and I flop around on it. The saddles are big and have the knobby horn thing-a-ma-jigger so I guess that makes them Western. The horses...quarter horses perhaps? They are larger and bulkier than Thoroughbreds and Arabians. That's about all I know at this point.
However, I did get a personal tour of the Gainsborough Farm Stallion Complex (owned by a Sheik from Dubai) and it was really really cool.
