Hanging on the Best Parts 2

[WCW]

I feel H tapping on the door, looking in, wondering if it's safe for him to poke his head in, keeping his foot in the door so it won't slam shut. It seems right now it is his internal struggle that is keeping him at bay. Can he return to this marriage? How will I treat him? He has never admitted to his affair, he maintains he has done nothing wrong. At some point, do we need to address the past two years to move on with the future?

A few weeks ago we returned from a trip, H left his suitcase in the bedroom. I was ecstatic! that was the first time he left it in the house instead of taking it back out to his work trailer. This weekend we returned home from an overnight trip, and by the next day his suitcase was out of the house. Major let down for me. Our weekend was good, we didn't have much time to spend together, but slept in the same bed in the hotel after each doing our own events thruout the day. When we return home I always hope H will come sleep in our bed, but he doesn't.

Monday was a day that we were supposed to attend a store opening for some friends. I totally forgot about it, went to work, etc, and was happy and surprised when H came home before 5pm. Then his cell phone rang, and it was a daughter of friends wondering if we were still coming. It was a 4 hour drive, guess we won't make it. H said he hadn't forgot, but with fuel prices didn't think he wanted to spend the time and money to go. So, that makes me wonder, where the heck was he all day? So much for being happy he was home before 5pm, now I wonder how he spent his day? can I ask? NO. H gets very defensive if I ask about his schedule. I got a call from a friend of ours about her horse that was lame, and off we went to help her with him. Had a nice evening, came home and I went to bed. H sleeps in other room.

Tuesday evening it feels like H is quiet and withdrawn. Can't keep a conversation flowing with him. I can't help but get the feeling that the reason has to do with OW. Today is her birthday. I'm sure they're in contact hot and heavy this week. Last year at this time we had just returned from a trip and H was injured, unable to drive and get off the property under his own power. So OW stopped in, twice, the 2nd time on her birthday while I was home. Wasn't that cozy? Of course H had to get up and greet her, and that night he got so sick and had such a high temp I almost had to haul him into ER. I'd like to send OW a Rotten Birthday card, complete with horsesh*t in it.

Back to something positive, H did come and join me in bed for a few minutes this morning. He walked in making a comment about something on the radio, so I threw the covers back as an invitation for him to get in bed. We traded back rubs. I was happy that he came for the physical contact. I miss it so much, and my lips ache for a kiss. But I'm still trying to be his best friend while not trying to push him too much in my direction or away from me. He's tapping on the door, and opening it just a little.