Well actually I hate to be the one to disagree but I find R's with the kids more difficult to maintain than my R with Andy.
In my opinion, adult R's are easier because of the shared history together before the children were even born, and then of course there's the sexual connection that you can't get from kids, obviously, etc etc.
Whereas in your R with your child, if you split up, there is visitation hell, separation anxiety, a crying, confused child. At least an adult knows why something is happening, but you can't explain it to a child. They are not bothered if mom and dad like each other, they just want their whole family.
If you happen to have any legal action, then that is usually about the children (not your sex or how you cooked the dinner, your children), so this puts a massive strain on things. I had internalized resentment towards my kids every time I read a court report, because it wasn't even about the marriage.
Then of course if you don't live with them, they've grown or changed in some way every time you see them so you have to keep making an effort all the time to find out what they like and things to do with them.
If there's an OW/OM on the scene that they like, you have to pretend that you like them too so you don't hurt their feelings and it rips your heart out every time you hear them mention OW.
Even if you stay together with your H or W, you MADE your child so you are totally 100% responsible and if little Jon hurts his arm it's ALL YOUR FAULT. The implications are mind blowing. It has always made me feel as if I have to be perfect around them, and when meeting other mothers, there's always this competition atmosphere of 'my Sandra is reading Shakesphere already and she's only 4', type of thing.
My own mother made the mistake of thinking she could do/say what she wanted and not make the effort BECAUSE she was my mother, but in the end, because she didn't work on the R with me, I gave up. I left her. I view it the same as a D. I have D'ed my mother. My heart says so. It doesn't always follow that kids will always love you because you are the parent.
I have to DB my butt off continously with the kids but when I'm with Andy, I am me, and I'm more relaxed.
I miss him sometimes, but I can deal with it. When my kids are here and then they go away again, I'm crying all night for my 'lost' family.
I think it's MUCH MUCH harder to be a parent than a wife.
