Joe_negativity's updates:

[Just_Me]

Hi guys (and gals),

I'm back and none the worse for wear.

I notice that there are some new guys on this thread and if you're reading this I will try to give some advice, but today might be a little hairy so it could be awhile. I would like to say before I begin, that I'm in a different place than you so I may joke around. Hope there is no offense and that you get to the point where things don't hurt so much.

So my updates. I met some fellow DBers in Vegas this weekend. Despite the best intentions, the Xs did come up. I must say it's therapeutic to be able to talk that stuff through with someone that understands. Vegas was as good as paying for therapy.

I found my soulmate, but unfortunately she only stayed for three songs and then I had to pay for a new soulmate. LOL

But I did learn things about myself and my feelings towards XW. I had absolutely no guilt and could easily have fun without feeling like "I wish she were here." I really enjoyed the company of fellow DBers. I've got to do that again sometime. I still have a smile on my face this morning.

Anyway, for those struggling with the early phases of the divorce I hope you do know it gets better. My suggestion is detaching as much as possible. Leave the door open, but don't wait for him/her to walk through it. Have fun. Get a life. But get the life you want...not some fake one that will ring false to the ex.

Oh, I was going to say that I met an elderly, very talkative woman on the plane. She was divorced and had a great outlook on the whole thing. She talked around her divorce stuff. She said she was friends with her XH and his new wife. Her words..."it's no problem being friends with him or her, I don't want him." She did tell me that he was the one that left and when he came back wanting her again after a year or so that she wouldn't have him. I never told her anything about my sitch, but it's amazing all the divorce stuff she hit on. It was clear that she had adjusted well and had lots of positives.
1) She clearly had her self-esteem intact. She knew her strengths and what she had to offer someone. She was proud of raising kids on her own and how well they had turned out. She was very self-sufficient.
2) She did many activities that would be called getting a life, all of which were things that she wanted to do rather than just some exciting ploy to win back XH
3) She realized that her XH was not the man she needed in her life. She said he was okay...not a bad guy as a friend, but really not the person she had needed as a spouse.

Well hope some of that helps. I'm not giving out any details since that stayed in Vegas.