Wes, you're right that this part of the forum sees a lot of casualties. I think that's b/c there are so few of us (how many are willing to DB AFTER a D, given societal standards to just get an exchange R and move on) and b/c the odds are low. Are the odds lower than overall? Who knows. I doubt any reasonable numbers exist.
Perhaps the last throes of the M, and the awful process of D suck out enough life force from a person that it makes a sustained DBing effort that much more difficult. Especially without adequate self-care and support. That's why the forum is so important.
In my sitch, my XW's MLC behavior has become toxic to me. So knowledge of it is tripping me up, hampering my personal growth. So I'm distancing from her - as much as I can. Moving myself to an "I don't care" place that allows me to stay kind and friendly, yet not be as hurt by her shenanigans. Am I walking away for good? I'd like to think of it as a Martha-type walkaway - may take weeks, months, years for any change on XW's part to make our R truly have any semblance of hope. Until then, she's not acceptable to me.
I see many folks in the Surviving forum with a similar stance, with perhaps a bit more pensiveness or protectiveness against being hurt again by the X. So there may be some sizable overlap b/t the two forums.
