I feel that I just had to chime in here. I personally think that once we start to question the very thing that we've been holding out for, is a very healthy thing. It shows that we are no longer allowing and unhealthy person to overshadow what is really in our best interest. Until we are dealing with the reality of what is, we are not facing our situation from a position of strength and until we do that we aren't really moving forward or getting a life for that matter.
What Wes has said is a very good thing. We all reach this conclusion at our own pace and our timelines are all different.
Does that mean that he's given up? Not at all. It just means that he has now taken off his rose colored glass and understands that what he had thought he was getting out of his former relationship with his wife no longer works for the NEW Wes.
Unless any of our relationships are new and improved by each party then can it even work? Possibly for a period of time but probably not for a lifetime.
There is a distinct difference between giving up and giving in..................
You have every right to your opinions, I will try not upset anyone any further. One day someone beat me up a bit because I kept rehashing all the negatives, I listened to them and you know what that is when real progress started.
My only real point is, is that if you want her back or even if you don't know, you must believe DBing will work or it won't.
You are right you didn't write the quote about dbers being in a fantasy. That is the quote that got me upset and in hast I responded to the wrong person. Sorry.
I wish you all the luck in the world, if you want your X back I hope it happens. If your happy alone or in a new R, I hope it goes well for you.
I have also been in the don't know stage, actually several times, so I know that it is agonizing.
Quote: It just means that he has now taken off his rose colored glass
I wish I had said rose-colored glasses. It sounds so...prophetic.
I love that song...
"I don't know why I keep on believing you need me when you've proved so many times that it ain't true. And I can't find one good reason for staying, maybe my leaving would be the best for you. But these rose-colored glasses, that I'm looking through, show only the beauty, cuz they hide all the the truth." Who sings that song anyway?
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Since I posted it about myself there is no jab at anyone else. If anyone is offended that I claimed, in jest, that my XW wished to kill me then I'm sorry you were traumatized by that, but get a sense of humor...it might help you DB.
It was John Conlee that sang the Rose Colored Glasses version I liked. Try not to read anything into me posting the words. I'm not referring to anything other than I like the song and the words.
Quote: I don't know_ why I keep_ on be-liev-in'___ you need me, when you've proved so__ man-y times_ that it ain't true. And I can't find_ one good rea-son for stay-in', may-be___ my_ leav - in'_ could be the best for you.
But these Rose co - lored glass - es_____ that I'm_____ look - in' ___ through,_____ show____ on - ly the beau - ty,______ 'cause they hide____ all____ the truth.
And they let_ me hold on_to the good times,___ the good lines, the ones I used to hear__ when I held you. And they keep_ me from feel-in' so cheat-ed, de - feat-ed,__ when_ re-flec-tions in your eyes show me a fool.
But these Rose co - lored glass - es_____ that I'm_____ look - in' ___ through,_____ show____ on - ly the beau - ty,______ 'cause they hide____ all____ the truth.
So I'll just keep on hopin', believin' that maybe by countin' the many times I've tried, You'll believe me when I say I love you, And I'll lay these ROSE COLORED GLASSES aside.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
It has been fun reading your posts today. I for one related to when you mention the 'signs' from your first XW. I am completely done with my XH. He is not the man I fell in love with and I have no desire to be with the man he is. He has a live in girlfriend. Earlier this week he email me to check and see how I was doing. Could I have taken this as a sign that he wants me back? Sure. He even offered to bring me some mail that was delivered. Could I have taken this a positive--Whoohoo he wants to see me--he must want me back. Sure. Is that what is going on? No, he had not heard from me in awhile and we are trying to maintain some form of friendship and that is all it was. I know that, but I could have taken it differently and I think that all Wes was trying to say was that we tend to see things the way we want not necessarily the way the other person mean it. Just my opinion. Linda
When I first came to these board I believed with all my heart that I would be the one that would make this whole thing turn around. It didn't and that's ok. I still believe wholeheartedly in DBing because it did work, just not the way that I had expected.
DBing took me and gave me a direction. When I thought there was no hope and nothing left to do, it gave me a purpose. In the end it only helped me, but that in itself was such a gift. When all was said and done it forced me to take a good long look at myself. I had to decide just what it was that I want for me and from a relationship. This was such an epiphany. I had not only never taken the time to answer this question for myself, I would have felt it to be a very selfish thing to do. Besides, I had children and they needed 2 parents, so if I didn't like something, I'd just get over it. No more.
So no, I have no idea where I'd be without Michele's book. What I do know now is that I am worth so much more and I will never settle for crumbs! That's what I hope for everyone here whether in their marriages or in new and improved relationships!
Quote: One day someone beat me up a bit because I kept rehashing all the negatives
Relook at it. I believe it was me. But I didn't say...leave the board Mr. Negative.
I'm not rehashing negatives about my first or second wife. I don't bitch and moan that she left. I don't look at the negative things about them (much). So what's so negative? Suggesting that we shouldn't look quite so hard? Suggesting that we should be comfortable and happy with our own life because chances are we won't be remarried to the XS?
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
By the way...it's nice to see you back T. We haven't seen you in a while. All it took was an active backbiting, knock down drag out to lure you out of hiding? How about you post something about yourself?
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
