Nice way of saying..."if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all". But this is just a discussion and it's my thread. You don't have to read it. Neither of us are saying give up. I, for one, am saying that sometimes a little reality doesn't hurt. Not every word or gesture means everything. In fact most probably don't. DBing doesn't call for looking at every little thing and saying..."now that's progress..my XW was wearing the earrings I bought her for Xmas!!". Too much time spent on analyzing your XS means less time focusing on your own growth.
We all deal with this different ways. For you it's purpose driven life. For me, it's not getting too wrapped up in what my XW is doing or thinking or about taking a reality check every once in a while. Ya know, I have a good relationship with my XW....a friendship. And she never throws anything from our marriage in my face (ie that's just like you...doing this or that, just like when we were married!) and indicates that she thinks I'm a great guy. I would say that's reasonably successful DBing. If we are ever a couple again it is going to be on equal footing, not on the basis of me giving up everything that I am in exchange for her.
Am I still trying to get my XW back? Don't know. If she came back claiming she loved me I would wonder what the catch was and how long it would be before she left. I'm surprised you don't have a little of that pessimism. I need to know that she's actually intending to have a mature, longlasting adult relationship with me before I would even live with her again. She essentially on probation with me. And that isn't anger over the past, I don't have that problem. That's reality. She quit and ran away.
I'm happy for you jdd and glad you made the changes for the better. I hope it holds up. That your XW continues to grow too.
But I think that this area doesn't have to be just about warm and fuzziness. A little pessimism and realism can be sprinkled in with the optimism. I was only trying to point out that I've been divorced 8 years from my first wife and I have every bit the "good interactions" that we are looking at and claiming are progress towards reconciliation. They may be, but it's going to take patience and more than good basketball skills.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
