Joe_negativity's updates:

[Just_Me]

I knew that was coming and exactly what you would say.

I think there is a difference in this post. I know I've previously justified, and I'm doing so now, that doesn't matter. The difference is that before I was always thinking "is this getting me closer to my XW or further away" and justified it as "getting me closer"; this time I have a different focus, my own happiness with only that as the end result. It doesn't really matter to me if "that's what works" or if that's not what works. As we've harped on 100,000,000 times, we don't know what they are thinking and we have absolutely no control over our XS. We only can control ourselves. So I'll be myself.

Let me elaborate a bit. I do believe that when I withdraw, act more aloof, say we can't be friends, don't pick up the phone, what have you, that she does come around. But in those settings I feel like when she does that I'm being this friendly but somewhat closed-in, aloof person that I'm not, at least to people I know well. That I'm some actor reading the script of DB and playing a role, but playing it false to myself. And I start to feel worse...stressed or just vaguely unsettled like something is wrong. So you could say that's what works I should stick to it, but I don't feel like myself. When I act the way that's more me...you know, answer the phone, talk to her as though I'm pleased to hear her (which I am), have a regular conversation without thinking "I should wrap this up so she doesn't think I'm whipped" then I feel good, even if the end result is that she moved further away. And I feel good even if days elapse before anything else happens. I go on with my days without worrying..."what effect did that unnatural action have on her?" If I was myself then I don't worry about it. I'm just better to my kids, other people, collegues, even you guys here, when I'm the way I am.

Bruce, the getting together, initiating, going to dinner, going to movies, calling, whatever IS my true self. So is the side that gets frustrated. I can live with both. I just don't want to act in a way that isn't me. That makes me unhappy.

And I'm not getting down on you. You have never made any suggestions on acting in one way or another. I do not remember a single time where you said...don't call, don't write...don't give her a b-day present...or really anything of that kind. You have basically commented on my behavior and what it means. And you are right...do what works for me. So I'll be just me. And odds are that I won't "get the girl", but I'll get one that loves me for me eventually. This is the most likely scenario and I'm good with that too.

Thanks