Joe_negativity's updates:

[Just_Me]

Hi,

I haven't posted anything of substance on here in quite a while. I guess maybe I thought it helped me take my mind off things.

Anyway, I'll summarize:
I called my XW on Thursday. I wanted to here from her whether she was moving since her kids talk about it all the time and there are mixed feelings about that. She didn't know. For whatever reason I had a major R talk with her. I indicated that I wanted things from her that she couldn't provide and that we aren't on the same page or even the same book. I told her I wasn't able to be around her solely as her friend. I said I loved her but I didn't want to see her any more.

Well, by Friday I sent her a note just to let her know when my son had his soccer game which she previously had been coming to and to let her know some of the agenda for his birthday. I was surprised when she showed up. We talked pretty much the whole game. Just innocent stuff. She started to tell me about a dream she had that included "us" as in the whole family (if that's what you call us) and then said she couldn't do it. Anyway, that's just an aside. She asked if I wanted to take my son's present or could she drop it off and I told her to drop it later. So we did the opening presents stuff and went to dinner. I invited her. She didn't expect it. And that also was fine. The usual. Natural.

So then we went back to silent until yesterday. She called in the morning and wished me a happy birthday and asked, somewhat tentatively, whether I wanted to grab dinner after work. Her kids also wished me a happy b-day which was sweet. For whatever reason yesterday was bittersweet. I haven't had such an affair made of my b-day in years...even when I was married. The people at work were sweet. But I felt sad.

Dinner last night was fine. I opened the presents from the kids and my XW (obviously she paid for them all and that includes a present that my son picked out). They were all very nice and showed her obvious influence, her and my son. It was a very sweet gesture. But I was still sad. And after dinner I did my stupid, pursuing, deep relationship talk thing and even though it was mainly negative, it was like I was suddenly relieved. I felt happy immediately after, as though rejection is great. Maybe I thrive on it. Her kids stayed over and I saw her a bit this morning when she came to get them. Of course I hugged her because that's what I do.

So that's how things are. I'm not analyzing here. I do what I do and she does what she does and somewhere in between I'll figure out exactly what I want out of life. I think it's to be happy. I saw the play "you can't take it with you" that my son at the last minute was in. That was its take home message....you should pursue what makes you happy.

Meanwhile I have been working on enjoying the virtual company of friends...at least during the day. Some chatting, etc with a very nice girl here at work. There isn't anything but friendship to it, but that's good too. I think I'll let things just stew a while and not think.